Wonder Round Comes Full Circle (February 17-28, 2018)
(I got interrupted by life for a bit! Please read below for my last post of the circle project :))
Well, the time has finally come to share the wrapping up of this year’s worth of daily sittings, paintbrush to paper in the simple form of a circle. It has been a time which originated out of a desire to be still with my thoughts and feelings as I awakened each day and to provide a daily documentation of that process while working through my discomfort with posting. What evolved has been beyond my expectations in all senses of the word— committing to a daily practice proved to be much more challenging than I could have known and has brought me very much in touch with my own resistance, time and time again. And I realized if I just stayed the course, a stroke at a time, I came out on the other side, whether feeling content with the paintings, or not. Sometimes the best we can do is show up!
“One thing I love about making art is the ability to start with a basic line or shape and pull it out into another, so easily transformed and often with no idea where it is going. There is freedom in that basic experience. It has been surprising to me to to feel the impact on the rest of my life from such a simple practice. Art profoundly heals...”
“This may have been a title I have used before, but if so, it is because there is plenty that dwells beneath our outer that has a life of its own. I have been thinking a lot about how our bodies function in the most complicated interchange of systems, going on without our awareness, until there is change that gets our attention. Sending love, light, and hope for all who are in the process of healing...”
“Another thing I love about watercolor painting, especially, is the ability to remove pigment— either to bring light into a saturated space or to remove unwanted areas (within reason). Some of my favorite is the lifting off and creating pattern where none existed before— it is such simple fun, nerdy as that may sound :). Here’s to hoping we all find ways to lift off what we no longer want in our lives!”
“Waking to heavy downpour on the tin roof, my drafty desk waiting in the dark did not call as comfortingly as the perfectly weighted warm blankets already over me. But as I began to paint the lines, allowing myself a bit of a coloring-book beginning in which all I had to do was fill in the lines, my gratitude for the paint and its lesson began to sink into my mind as surely as the color began sinking into paper, layer after layer. Thankfully, in a daily painting, all I need to do is begin and proceed, a bit at a time, staying the course until I see an ending. In some ways it is no different than other tasks which do not have a known outcome— we just meet them a step at a time, hoping to see through to the other side. “
“Last evening as we were driving on the highway, the clouds were forcefully traveling overhead in swirls of gray and white that were intensifying by the moment. My enthusiasm grew from pointing out their speed and beauty a single time to my oldest son, to marked excitement and an almost nonstop barrage of exclamations and questions as to whether or not he could see what I could from the front window and to inquire (repeatedly) if he was fully attuned to the unfolding beauty and mystery. He laughed and said he could see that look in my eye that meant I wanted to pull over and watch and take pictures. As we created a hill on which the foothills of the Appalachians came into view, so did the bottom layer of the horizon, filled with strips of almost-navy blue clouds, which resulted in me shouting that we must pull over! Sadly, we were running late for an engagement, and I was struck that it was my teen son who was comforting me and telling me reassuringly that we can do it another time, but for now we must venture on, much like I have talked him down many a time for having to leave the woods, a playground, store, etc. It was a sweet moment of connection to express my own pull to this amazing force of nature and to have my son be both amused and supportive, telling me not to worry, that he had snapped some shots of those clouds on his phone for me. I felt loved, indeed, and grateful for eyes that can witness these gifts of nature and of the heart.”
“Yesterday was spent out in the glorious woods with our beloved @redoaks_explorers friends. I started the morning with time alone in the quiet of the woods, studying new life that had cropped up in the past two weeks, but most of the day in the privilege of traipsing alongside a four year old, immersed in the rushing blue-green creek and on their banks, scouring for rocks and fossils washed up from the recent deluge of rain while his mama taught older children. It was a delight to be brought along on his adventures as we wove in and out of various bunches of children learning and playing all over the land, seeing life through his imaginative and open eyes while listening to his ongoing commentary as we discovered frog and salamander eggs, shuttled the webcam to each of 4 groups, and took a strongly suggested rest on the rocks to lie down and look up at the clouds that were changing formation so quickly in the vivid blue sky. I love this part of home educating— getting to spend time together with a mix of so many ages in what feels nothing other than natural. It is a wonderful feeling to know we can trust each other with our children, and that I could sink into this experience because I knew the other mamas were watching my own. I always come out of it deeper and richer, full of gratitude for this time in my life with my children and the children (and grown-children!) I have come to love.”
“Late yesterday afternoon, hands covered in pigment, hair crazily sticking out of my headband in all directions and a moth-riddled scarf wrapped around my neck, I went to the door after my son called me to greet a young man standing there covered in black mud up to his wrists. He and his friend had been looking to meet their realtor and had gotten stuck on the gravel road which begins past our driveway and goes down the hollow and back up to the other side by way of a now-rushing creek. This arrival at our door is not an uncommon occurrence (thanks to GPS, which sends people through a road not meant for cars) but what followed, was. We invited him in to wash up, offered water and food, which he politely declined, and he left, stating they had called someone to help. Moments later knocked his friend, also covered in mud.
After she washed up and made calls to get a tow truck (the company is quite familiar with the spot) they finally accepted some warm tea and we began powerful conversation that lasted for over 2 hours. We learned about their lives and the many challenges that brought them here. They enthusiastically engaged with my son about his life and interests and inquired about my art (which was in a big state of active mess nearby), and then shared bits about their life goals and plans for the future. It was wonderful to see worry and anxiety dissolve into laughter and shared connection. As it became dinner time, they joined us to replenish their hungry, tired, cold, shaken selves. When their car was retrieved successfully, we exchanged how much we had all enjoyed their unexpected presence in our evening over heartfelt hugs and requests to come visit if they find a house in the area. I could not have planned a more meaningful evening, a reminder to be open to how even a chance meeting with others can change our lives...”
“Some days it only takes the tiniest drops of light to make a difference... today I am grateful to awaken in my own home after a busy week in which I was away, hearing the wind billowing over the hills and watching the dappled light of sunrise bring to light the colors beyond my panes of glass. The quiet of the early morning is sacred time, indeed— wishing you all marvelous moments this Sunday morning...”
“Rudimentary gestures of a tree first lived in this circle, upside down from this orientation. Upon completion and rotation, paths appeared. As I sat gazing into it, I could not decide if the colors reflected more sunrise or sunset, and realized it did not matter, as each day is filled with both... this is a recognition more poignant as I begin this last (partial) week of my year’s commitment to painting and writing every morning. As I move into a more organic approach that allows necessary breathing room in my life, it will be interesting to see how the push and pull of expression appears each day. I am grateful that there will continue to be space to rotate, find new perspective, and remain connected to the essence of what has evolved over these twelve months, both within myself and through connection with you who have joined me here... more to come!”
“I do not have many words for today... just watching the paint bring the inner, outer... a source of healing. I reflect on the power of art to communicate and wish for us all to find cracks for release.”
“When those we love are hurting and we are not able to be there in person, may we muster up all the light, compassion, courage and healing that we have inside ourselves and in the universe and send it to them, tenfold. Wishing as much comfort, support, help, and ease to those in pain and in waiting, hoping the glow of those who love you surrounds you in warmth and hope….”
“It is with mixed emotions that I post today’s circle, completing the 380th painting (did 15 sporadically before committing to the daily) in a bit over a year. When I see that number, it is hard to believe that the goal has been met. What started as a morning ritual to explore watercolor within the circle and writing words alongside to deepen and practice sharing, has evolved into an experience much more profound than I can write in this paragraph (long as they can be, at times, haha). I am deeply grateful for what was grown far beyond my expectations, bringing me connection, deep inner work, healing, courage, and joy in the privilege of shared humanity. I will share more depth soon, but offer my sincere thanks to each of you for following along and sharing in the journey with me, whether in word, witness, or spirit— I am very aware that it would not have been the same without you! It seems fitting that this circle which closes the daily loop, at least, is filled with a bit of spunk and oddity, reflecting the practice of balancing past, present, and future, as well as the light and dark, so that we can all keep going... much love to you all!”
The leap of faith harnessed every morning (as there was rarely a clear plan of what would fill the circle) was good for me on all levels. Beginning in a place of emptiness each day allowed me to sink in to what was just below the surface, delving into spaces that sometimes needed release and sometimes just needed to play and create without expectation. Basically, it taught me to get out of my own way :). What was so surprising is that something always came out if I just picked a color, loaded up my brush and let my hand move across the paper. My body took over where my mind was stuck. Some days that shocked me, as I felt like I could sit on that stool for hours, waiting for an idea or plan to come to mind. Trusting that a creative well of energy has an abundant presence within me is a gem that I carry forward and which expands to all areas of my life, although with a bit more effort!
The other gift is much more profound— that of connecting with all of you through this daily practice. Little did I know when I began that posting every day would lead to so many meaningful interchanges and bits of sharing, ranging from the deep and raw to the playful and humorous— such a wide variety of generous response! Those dialogues between us brought much validation to the energy being put forth in keeping it up for the whole year, fueling me when I really struggled to not bail. The words shared back reflected things I had often not seen, myself, and became a two-way portal which I really valued. I was incredibly touched by the love and support that flowed to me as each circle went out onto the screen, grateful for the experience of coming together from places near and far. That gratitude is difficult to put into words, but will always remain one of the most powerful parts of this year-long experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for following along and sharing yourselves back with me. I look forward to continuing sharing parts of the journey with one another and am enriched by these vital connections.