Wonder Round (Aug. 12-18, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

It has been a week full of deadlines and hard work, which was most satisfying to complete.  There is a sense of accomplishment when we finish what we set out to do, whether it is as mundane as taking 7 hours to whittle down the stack of papers needing attending on the desk where I paint every day (when your 6 inch square of watercolor paper is feeling encroached upon, it is time to take action!), or completing an application after many days unfolding glitch after glitch.  I have been mindful of the positive energy that remains when small steps to organize and create more sanity in my daily life are happening, not just for me, but for my family.  I am grateful for forward momentum in this area, as it is easy to push it aside when making art and making daily mess.  Wishing you all productivity in the ways you most need it this week! 

("I walked in thick fog blanketed over the hills this morning, tiny slivers of silver illuminated by dim light, webs sagging from the drops of moisture pulling them into the grass. The subtlety of this shimmer reminded me to go slowly enough about my days that I can take notice of these small things, whether in nature or with people, as there is certainly beauty in the details...")

 

("Walking yet again under the thick fog of morning, I breathed in crisp cool air, grateful for the ease of breath that filled my lungs. Over my years of social work, I spent time in many homes that were closed off from fresh air, windows locked and blinds drawn for safety and privacy. If my short time spent in restricted air was challenging, I can only imagine for those that lived in those conditions, often weighted down with health problems that made it even more difficult to breathe. Odd thing to recall as I roamed this morning, but it brought to mind the tremendous difference that movement of air, breath, breeze, can make in a moment and in a life. Wishing you all open space to feel the preciousness of air, allowing it to move through you in healing ways...")

 

("As the morning air takes on a touch of chill, deep reds begin to show in the plants that cover the iron weed filled hills, all signaling the change of season that is coming... I feel the push and pull of sadness that summer is slowly winding down, leading into a season that slows in nature, but speeds up mightily in the day-to-day life of our family. Connecting to the rhythms of my natural environment helps create space to breathe and be more grounded in our family and community flow, providing balance and replenishment of that vital energy.")

 

("This morning I crawled out of bed after little sleep, working on a deadline that is using up serious brain power :). I was curious how the circle would go, and was not so surprised when the pigment flowed outside the lines, despite trying to be careful. How easy it is to want to fix it, hide it, start again, rather than just let it be as it is... My youngest and I were discussing this very thing last night— how good it is to be gentle with ourselves and keep things in perspective when we make “mistakes”, fostering space to grow, learn, and accept that we are human. Certainly with paint, it does not matter a bit, but the practice of being mindful of how we speak to ourselves is one which needs at least as much attention as what goes into the daily watercolor circle. May we all go tenderly today...")

 

("I could not quite decide what jumped out of my circle this morning— it was a mix of hard-boiled eggs and animal eyes that lurked in the jungle of some child’s story... and it doesn’t really matter! It is good to remember that our work, no matter what kind, can bring in the element of play, lightening our mood and perspective when we are able to sink into it. I am grateful for the bit of balance that it brings to issues that are difficult in this world. What things bring you a sense of levity and play?")

("Especially happy that it is Friday, today I shift into low gear and head up to meet my beloved childhood friend. It is so satisfying to take a break after having put forth intense effort into the past week, and to look forward to relaxing, connecting, and restoring my tired self. Happy Friday to you all!")

 

("How wonderful it is to awaken to a day that is wide open, with the only goal being play. Clearly, a change of routine is good for the mind, body, soul... let us all sink in!")

 

Wonder Round (August 5-11, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

As we wrap up another week and prepare for the start of the school year, I find myself savoring the freedom to spend the day open-ended, and ponder how to hold onto this concept as the academic year unfolds.  I continue to be grateful daily for the inspiration that comes from nature and those with whom I share my life, in small and large circles.  Have a lovely week ahead, and hope it finds you sinking into activities that bring you meaning, joy, and respite.

("As the parents were sitting under the cool shade of the porch while our children gathered around celebrating their peer heading off to college, one of the dads remarked that these were the memories that would stick with our kids for the rest of their lives. I sat with that in the moment, and have returned to it during the night and early morning today... these years go by so quickly as our children grow more and more into themselves and their engagement with each other, and the experiences that are created across this whole continuum truly will be with them, and with us, long after they each go on to the next phase of their lives. I feel incredible gratitude to be surrounded and inspired by such loving and supportive community, who commit every day to the challenging and joyful job of parenting and homeschooling. May we each help weave positive connections with each other every day...")

 

("This morning’s reflection as the paint became the imagery reminded me to greet the day with possibility, energy, and hope. What a simple and profound gift, the rising of the sun each day! Wishing you all a day filled with positive experience...")

 

("Yesterday, I was listening to a bit of a program on public radio, and tuned in while a female judge was sharing how she often assigned personal essays as sentences for nonviolent crimes. I was moved to tears as I heard some of the insights and stories that were revealed, which humanized not only those speaking their truth for perhaps the first time someone had ever asked, but for all who listened in that courtroom. It resonated with the experiences in my social work background, and brought to mind the many deeply painful stories and courageous people I was fortunate to walk alongside during difficult parts of their lives. And it paralleled an experience I had with another artist just that morning, in which unexpected connection was made from having expressed deeper parts of our stories with one another. It reminded me to listen on all levels as much as I can, as always, there are deeper stories to honor than what may first be visible...")

 

("I keep returning to the lay of the land in these circles, intrigued with the variety of feelings that each type of landscape evokes... the lush forest with its moss-encased floor, the vast sky and endless cloud formations over our Appalachian foothills, the solidity and grounding of rock outcroppings, the flow of our rivers and babbling brooks. I feel immense gratitude for the diversity of nature that offers such a wide expanse of energy, available for us to sink into its offerings and find restoration and peace.")

 

 

("That any one of us is here on this earth, at all, is profound... but that we each get our own life in which to uniquely explore and create, is an incredible gift. May we all find space from the burdens of life to express and more fully be...")

 

("This morning’s paint lay on the paper in delicate, muted tones. I noticed it was difficult for me to leave it at that, and not reach for the bold colors that lay waiting in the pan. Perhaps this is reflective of the ebb and flow of our voices, that can be loud and bold one day, low and barely audible on others. It is empowering to have a choice, and to embrace the many means of our expression in the world.")

 

("This morning I returned to a Qi Gong dvd that I have had for years and which needed revisiting. It was an energizing and grounding experience to tune into the words of the instructor as my body creakily mirrored the movements, absorbing the backdrop of the red stone earth and music that centered me alongside my breath. I am realizing my need to incorporate this part of exercise back into my daily routine, and know that it is a process, like anything we add into our lives. The ending words struck me in their simplicity and power— to practice being “open to give, open to receive”... a mantra which I can remember and carry within me. I continue to be deeply grateful for the enrichment and support we offer each other day to day...")

 

Threads in a Tapestry Are We /  by Hayden Michelle

"Interwoven Threads in the Tapestry of Our Nation" (10 x 24 x 20 inches)

I was thrilled to receive word last week that this sculpture was accepted into the international exhibition, MELTING POT/ MELTING POINT at the Encaustic Museum of Art in Sante Fe, New Mexico.   I responded to a call to entry from a collaboration between International Encaustic Artists (IEA) and Encaustic Art Institute (EAI), powerful national and international organizations dedicated to supporting encaustic artists through education, resources, and exhibition opportunities.  The theme this year was one which was easy to gravitate towards-- "MELTING POT/ MELTING POINT":  

The Melting Pot is a metaphorical reference to the American ideal of a society becoming more homogeneous, with different elements fusing harmoniously together, to create one common culture. The Melting Pot also represents the encaustic technique, as heating the material to the Melting Point is an essential step in creation. For this exhibition, we invite artists who work in encaustic or cold wax to interpret MELTING POT / MELTING POINT as it is reflected in their own lives, experiences, ethnicities and cultures. It will be a coming together of many points of view, with the result being a true expression of our differences, yet a celebration of living and working together.  Juror, Francisco Benitez, is a Santa Fe-based artist of Latino background who has developed a career exhibiting both in the US and Europe.

An idea sprang to my mind, as I had carefully been documenting my collection of found and gifted moth and butterfly wings with macro photography, and had a wide variety from which to choose.  Grateful for these beautiful representations, some only in tattered fragments, I set to work printing them on fabric, layering them up with many coats of wax, cutting them to shape, and carving their surface with intricate line, beginning to restore their original beauty.

 My favorite part came next-- sculpting them to form, playing joyfully with abstraction, while being mindful that the bends and curves represented the toll of hardship and sacrifice inherent in those who made the decision to leave behind all that they knew and forge unknown obstacles to come to this country.  I felt deep respect and connection to the diverse color, shape, size, and patterns expressed on these wings...

IMG_0974.JPG

Much work was done late into the night (many), where the thirty-two winged creatures seemed to be multiplying under the light of my table lamp while live ones fluttered beyond my window by the light of the streetlamp on our country road.  I was moved by the energy of these short-lived beings metamorphosing into the immortal, and treated them as sacred.

Once they were sculpted to shape, the laborious process of coloration over the entire surface of each wing began, bringing out the vibrance and intricacy of their individual species.  I enjoyed watching the color intensify with the fusing that set the pigment deep into the wax, as if they were coming back alive...

Finally came the moment I had been waiting for (both with excitement and fear), as I had no idea if the plan to sew them all together would come to fruition, having never created a piece with this much complexity.  I realized there were no sketches to be made, and that instead, I must just begin.  I imagined the process might liken the making of a crazy quilt, attaching one chosen piece at a time.  I imagined women over the centuries doing just that while in the company of other women, enjoying the unfolding of the process.   I realized that with all art, and certainly with all major decisions in our life, we must just eventually take the leap and begin, trusting in the outcome of the process, one stitch and connection at a time...

Sewing one wing to the next was fueled by anticipation, and mostly was a delightful a process, especially in the beginning... As one built on top of the next, some tucking underneath the fold and protection of another's wings, the process got incredibly complicated and tedious, and took much diligence, deep breathing, stretch breaks, and focus.  I was again brought into awareness of how much this made me appreciate, if only metaphorically, the long and arduous process of those coming to this nation in search of a better life, not knowing what each new step would bring.

It was interesting to not have complete control of the process, as the sculpture shifted as it grew, and required many additional layers of melted wax to be applied from the underside as I delicately supported the entire thing upside down (I am certain I lost some oxygen during this stage of the process!).  I did not foresee that need coming, and was grateful for that tedious and careful execution to be over.

"Like the arduous journey of my great-grandparents and those courageous enough to cross oceans in hopes for a better life, these moth and butterfly fragments symbolize the beautiful diversity inherent in the creation of this country. The tenacity necessary for this labor-intensive sculpture made me contemplate the heroic efforts, sacrifices, and deep trust in the outcome that was surely present."

(alternate view)

"This sculpture changes dramatically with every angle viewed. Wings come together to provide shelter, integrity, and support, enabling those nearest the top, release. How we could learn from this interdependence, realizing our individual strengths become fortified and more beautiful when shared."

(alternate view)

 "Although many feelings were experienced in the creation of this piece, the one most deeply rooted, was gratitude. There are not adequate words to describe the appreciation I feel for my relatives, and all those who risked their lives in coming to America. I have a life of freedom, privilege, and opportunity because of their sacrifice. This sculpture is a tribute to all still on this journey."

(alternate view)

Wonder Round (July 22- August 4, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

Perhaps the rain that fell on Sunday was a predictor of the start to our week, where the stomach bug visited us for days, and we hunkered down into recovery mode, and then straight into celebration mid-week of our youngest's latest trip around the sun, and a second week that followed full of health discernment and connections with friends.  There is gratitude to be had when we are fortunate enough to return to a good state of health and equilibrium!  Hoping you are finding wellness within your circles this week...

("When I remembered we had a doggie that needed out before the skies released, we hurried out onto the hillside as the warm light was quickly being replaced by shades of gray. I was fascinated to see the rain falling in sheets, like water out of a pitcher, in the east, south, and west, as we remained dry in the middle, under navy blue clouds. I cannot recall the name of the nursery rhyme, but the words, “the sky is falling” sprung to my mind. Grateful that was not the reality, I was able to enjoy the excitement of the water beginning to fall around us before we, too, were caught in its deluge.")

 

("After sitting alongside our youngest who was up all night with a stomach virus, I was keenly aware of his suffering, and reflective on all those who are suffering in the midst of night. Aware of my urge to take his misery away, I sat with the knowing that we cannot protect our children or those we love from hurting in this life. We can be present, and offer comfort , love, and nurturance, hoping for this energy to embody them as they leave the nest and go out into the world, with permission to return as they so need...")

 

("When we lose someone we love, there remains an emptiness in that unique space they filled in our lives. Today is my mother’s birthday, and as much as we can connect with her love and the memories of being with her, we also deeply feel the absence of her being engaged in our lives. Sending love and comfort to surround those feeling this void...")

 

("As I softly peered into his peaceful sleeping face nestled tight under my mother’s quilt, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for my son’s life, and for the tremendous privilege of witnessing his ever-evolving growth, and the spirit and love and joy that he brings to our family and to the world. We are celebrating him today, and the light he radiates out of his being without even trying...")

 

("As I tentatively placed my brush to paper and began making marks, I felt the reticence in my hand as the paint slowly glided across the surface. I took note, and sunk into that feeling, letting the marks reflect the emotion. I reflected on how it is important to allow ourselves to move slowly and delicately when our energy is low, unknowing, tapped out, or barely existent. It was curious to notice that as I continued to paint, that the lines became deeper and more definite, creating a path of their own. This gave me comfort, reminding that the lines we lay down, however faint, will build—one upon the other, until they strengthen into complete form. Perhaps we can all be gentle with our energies as they ebb and flow, and trust in their process of becoming...")

 

("Simple thoughts today of where we find and plant seeds yet to be sown... for we are all fertile ground for that which has not yet to come to light. What seeds do you dream of planting in rich soil?")

 

("Because these circles are meant to be a place to put daily energy out on paper, today’s is simply what it is. I resisted the urge to paint some bright color in there, and to just let it be. We all circle day to day in our emotions, challenges, joys... I still must remind myself to just let it be, not try to fix it, hide it, etc.— then it can move through :). That being said, I am looking forward to a very productive day ahead, and am lifted by the clear sky, cool temperatures, and beauty of the day. Wishing you all a happy Saturday!")

 

("I may have used this title before... it is an action verb that I find myself returning to often, conjuring up feelings of unforeseen possibility, change, and hope. May we all find ways to grow again..."

 

("This is a good question, is it not? It can be interpreted differently every day. Today, I am reflecting on how this pertains to the relationship between our outer bodies, its inner workings, and our spirits... I was talking to a friend about this last night— how easy it is to get tied to an identity about what our bodies have always been able to do, and the challenge of acceptance as those abilities change with age or health. Thankfully, I believe we are all much bigger than our physical bodies, and can continue to use our minds and spirits to expand in ways that our bodies never could.")

 

("Today I am going to leave this circle very open-ended. We all deal with unknowns in our lives, and this is most certainly inherent in the human condition. May we all find motivation and empowerment to change what we can, and peace to accept that which we do not know.")

 

("Yesterday I had the good fortune to experience multiple acts of kindness as the day progressed, and was struck by the difference it can make not only in a day, but in deeply held beliefs about ourselves and the world. It may be as subtle as eye contact and a smile from a stranger, a gentle touch from someone we love, compassion over shared understanding, a good laugh when not expecting it, or someone going the extra mile to let you know they have your back. These experiences all powerfully reinforce the simple acknowledgement of being seen. We each hold a myriad of ways that we can impact each other with our love every day, opening us to feel the joy of reciprocity from connection.")

 

("As we begin this month of August, I am increasingly aware of the need to declutter before the homeschooling year begins... not only the space in which we learn, live, and create, but perhaps more importantly, my mind. I know from experience that the effort involved in creating more space, on all levels, yields peace, possibility, and healing. Wishing you the energy to face the decluttering that is seeking your attention...")

 

("I honestly did not feel like painting this morning... I mumbled around in my head about other things that need attention, coming back to the fact that I made a commitment to myself to sit down and try each day if I am able, until it feels right to stop. So, I began painting an organic shape that often shows up, and then just started laying in elements, one bitty line at a time, until there was pattern, form, and color— all of which eventually made me smile, recalling a children’s book I used to read to the boys about this family of rabbits that hand-painted Easter eggs, and eventually the whole town, because they could not stop painting once they began. It made me aware of how we can find a rhythm, even if we do not begin with one, by just being present and starting. There is reassurance in this repetition that is good to remember when I feel like resisting. What helps you push past?")

 

("The movement in this piece reminded me that when I was little, I would follow the fluff of milk weed as it was carried by the wind, entranced by the effortlessness of the seed being carried, and curious as to how it felt not directing its journey. It was both wondrous and worrisome for my young mind, and I realize now that not much has changed in that range of fascination and fear as I continue to experience life. When I focus on the word, “float”, feelings of safety and relaxing into what is fill my mind, and give me permission to be present in the moment, trusting that I will continue to move forward and land where I will.")

 

Wonder Round (July 15-21, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

After almost a week away that was saturated with connection and fullness, I was happy to return home to our own flow, which has been at least as busy!  Hoping your past week or so has been positive, and full of goodness... Thank you for following along here, week by week!

("After spending the day soaking up the company of beloved female energy in my family, I had the gift of meeting up with my lifelong buddy that knows me as deeply as my sisters. I went to sleep feeling filled with the power of positive feminine energy, and awoke grateful for all connections that feed this innate calling for connection, compassion, nurturance, and strength. I am so grateful for all that radiate this love and energy— friends and family, near and far. We build each other up and bring rejuvenation to one another in many unique and special ways, and that is to be celebrated!")

 

("Last night after my friend and I ate and walked through old stomping grounds, we began to drive back to her home, when the familiarity of the road signs prompted me to impulsively call out to pull onto the next street— the street where my high school art teacher lived well over 30 years ago. I lost touch with him when my 14 yo son was 4 years old, and my youngest was just a babe. Although I still remembered his home number (as I was their babysitter for years), that number had long been disconnected. Although not at all a person who likes to drop in on people, my obliging friend was more than willing to stop and let me knock on the door... eventually, after the dog quit barking, the couple in the shadowed hallway motioned for us to meet them at the side door, where I was thrilled to see that it was indeed, my art beloved teacher and his dear wife.

It was quite a relief and joyous reunion, and they invited us in, although late, and we chatted away about families, careers, and especially about our kids and their now grandkids (yes, the ones born to the babes I babysat!). The last time we had seen each other, I was in the throes of raising our wee ones, and my creativity channeled into making them toys, playing with them, and walking all over the place with them on my back. I can’t tell you how delighted I was to be able to share with him that I have been working hard on making art and getting it out into the world, a bit at a time, influenced deeply by the four years I was fortunate to be taught by him. It was especially fun because in high school, my art-making revolved around an avoidance and terror of anything 3D (which, of course, is the thing I now love most), which I told him was just proof that we are all capable of change. I know we will follow up again and stay in touch, the encounter being well worth the risk of bothering unknown residents of this old house.")

 

("After spending time with my family the other day, I had the opportunity to photograph my oldest brother’s beloved collections of butterflies and moths, which he started as a boy, and stopped over 30 years ago. I hold vivid memories of these beautiful creatures hanging in rows in wooden cases on his wall, each one identified by a tiny precise tag, scientific name and location documented. I was mesmerized by them. I am sure that these memories combine with my own experience of running through the fields as a child, following the flight paths of all delicately winged colorful beings, which now emerge through my many butterfly/moth-influenced sculptures. I know that I envied their freedom of flight, and the way they could seem to choose their direction on a whim, rest when they wanted, and soak up the sunshine-filled flowers. 


Sadly, my brother had not gotten them out of his storage area (with his vast collections of found arrowheads and stones and nature bits that line those shelves— he has an incredible connection to nature), and found almost all of them to have been destroyed by carpet beetles, leaving only a few broken wings and their dust in the bottoms of the cases, the pins now standing alone. The lesson of impermanence was painful and shocking, as it often is. However, he obliged to let me photograph even the remnants, which I found beautiful in their own right, seeming reflective of how we emerge through life’s experiences... a bit frayed, torn, battered, even, yet what is left is still full of life, and the inherent beauty of our essence. To have the chance to take my macro lens up to the very fibers of their wings and bodies in all states of fullness or decay, made me happy beyond words. It was incredibly exciting to study the patterns, colors, textures, shapes, and sizes that made up the wings and their varying undersides. I had the chance to see many that remained intact from travels to Mexico, an amazing treat with their surreal explosion of color and form. I always photograph things in real life to use in my sculptural work, as this connection is vital for my finished work. I left reminded of the value of each day we get...")

 

("I have been thinking much of neurons in the past few days, reflecting on their undeniable yet invisible presence, enabling messages to travel at lightening speed from one end of our bodies to the other so that we may function. It is so amazing, the complexity and power of the human body... I have also been thoughtful about the emotional messages we carry inside our minds and the ones we transmit to others as we go through each day— these we can influence, practicing mindfulness to shape their energy in a direction that is positive. That is empowering!")

 

("As much as I appreciate the high energy, culture, diversity, and accessibility in big cities, I have to say that I am so happy to be home in the country. It was joyful to awaken in my own bed, having fallen asleep not to the newly discovered sound…

("As much as I appreciate the high energy, culture, diversity, and accessibility in big cities, I have to say that I am so happy to be home in the country. It was joyful to awaken in my own bed, having fallen asleep not to the newly discovered sound app that played frog song by my hotel bedside, but to the real calls heard just by opening my window before sleep last night. 
I am thankful for all those things which I can access in large cities, yet deeply grateful to have a small community and space on our hillside in which to return. There is a quiet here that is necessary to my well-being, and all of me is soaking it up before getting back into the flow of what is needed today. Hooray for small moments of connection to things which make us grounded and content...")

 

("The composition that made itself known in this circle is simple today— what began as still lines took on a life of their own as they morphed into motion... Yesterday, we got a new kitten from the shelter, and bringing her home to begin the adjustment to life with our 3 older cats and frisky dog brought much movement of energy in our household. We are all trying to ease in and relax, despite the diligence, watchful eyes, and comforting that will continue as we all fall into place. The word, “sway” seems like a fitting gentle word containing the energy I will try to embody as we make our way with this sweet new life.")

 

("Like a streak of lightning, he flew by— a burst of shimmering turquoise quickly followed by a second, and then a lilting flash of vibrant lemon yellow. As I rounded the other side of the hill, orangey-reds fluttered by before resting in trees. How I love these richly saturated birds that are in our midst every day, especially the indigo buntings, finches, and striking cardinals. It was a wonderfully jolting start to the day. Wishing you color and vibrancy in your weekend...")

 

8 x 8 Self Portrait Exhibition (July 20- August 11, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

"And in Finding Her Parts, She Discovered She Had Always Been Whole", (6 x 7.5 x 3 inches), 2018

When the call for submissions of self-portraits came from Art NXT Level, a wonderful community that supports the furthering of one's work and connects artists all over the world, I jumped at the chance to create art with this foundation.  Although my work is always tied to my inner world, it felt good to reflect in a very focused way on where I am at this juncture in my life.  Having just photographed many fragments of butterfly wings, I had inspiration waiting (actual photographs, below)...

As per my usual process, I printed the macro work out onto fabric, and layered them up with multiple layers of encaustic medium, cut them to shape, carved the detail into each piece, sculpted them to shape, layered them again with medium, and hand-colored the detail that was lost to the many layers of wax.  I then experimented with the placement of the wings, and began the integration through sewing of wings.

These two photos show how much the detail is lost with the waxing... leaving an opportunity (and task!) to interpret with the recoloring and carving. The carving is one of the more enjoyable parts of the process, despite its time-consuming and hand/wrist-taxing nature.  I find it very meditative.

The artwork changes dramatically with every angle, as sculpture does-- that is one thing I love about the dimensionality... it mirrors the diverse nature of ourselves, as well.

(alternate view, eye-level)

(alternate view, aerial)

(detail)

(detail, stitching juncture)

(alternate view)

(alternate view, aerial)

I benefited deeply from engaging with this sculpture, and felt gratified and relieved when the title came to me, encompassing years of hard work, inside and out, to create this integrated piece.  Although it took courage to post the genuine title of the piece, I am glad I could own it.  After all, we are all composed of many diverse parts that are to be celebrated...

Although I am not able to attend the opening in person, I am sure it will be a full and exciting gathering which honors the distinct voices of the many artists represented there.  Much gratitude to Sergio Gomez, powerful artist and curator of the exhibition, along with Dr. Yanina Gomez, founders of the Art NXT Level organization.  

8 x 8 Self-Portrait Exhibition

Friday, July 20, 2018, (7-10 pm CDT)

Art NXT Level Projects/33 Contemporary

Zhou B Art Center

1029 W 35th Street

Chicago, IL 60629

 

Wonder Round (July 8-14, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

I would like to shout out to an artist friend who kindly referred to my daily circle paintings as, "Rounds of Wonder"... I have struggled with how to title these weekly recaps, as many that read this blog do not necessarily follow me on FB and see these circles posted daily.  I appreciate the reflective wording, and how the order of them can be switched and still make sense.  These circles do present something for me to wonder about every single day, often not until the image is made.  I suppose it is a bit like the cart before the horse, as to which comes first... as certainly, unconscious thought/feelings emerge through the art, and vice versa.  Regardless, I am grateful to have a more fitting title.  This is just another way in which I have been enriched by the reaching out and sharing that has evolved... thank you all!

("Today marks two years since my mother left this world. It seems like yesterday, and I miss her every single day. She is remembered by all who loved her and all those she touched with her life of giving and compassion. I am grateful that her spirit will always be a strong presence in my life.")

 

("Awake since 4a, despite going to sleep at midnight, I finally decided to get out of bed and empty my mind into my planner, hoping to create more clear space for the day(s) ahead. It is hard to believe that the summer is at its halfway point, with much left to do on the proverbial to-do list! How do we manage to balance the daily tasks of living, caring for those we love, and ourselves? As I compiled an extensive inventory of nonnegotiable needs, I realized I best put in more hammock time, walks outside amongst the fireflies in the evenings with our boys, making art together, and certainly, more laughter with family and friends. What are your favorite things to balance the demands and hard work in your life?")

 

("As I completed an extremely labor-intensive sculpture at midnight on Sunday, I was able to turn my attention Monday morning to one barely begun, which needs to be shipped before I leave town on Friday. This summer has not allowed for the full immersion in art-making that I have been craving, so the last few weeks have fed me, despite being exhausting. I have reflected much on what keeps us driving away at the things we set out to do, need to do, wish to do... It feels rather mysterious, and I have deep respect for the process, no matter where it is applied. We can all honor the force in ourselves that makes us continue to dig deep...")

 

("The sky not yet filled with anything but the slightest beginnings of brightening sky, I grabbed the flashlight as I headed out on this earlier than usual morning walk. The first thing I noticed were the loud crunching sounds coming from my feet walking through the stiff dry grass, something I do not notice when the sun is already rising over the hills. The birds had not yet received the signal to welcome in the day with their lovely chorus, and my ears tuned in to the chirping of crickets and tree frogs. I remembered then to breathe... to listen to the sound of my lungs filling with the gift of oxygen, and felt grateful to be in such quiet solitude (with our silent dog) for these brief moments. It left me pondering how much our other senses are magnified when one is absent, and how it is important to create space in our minds that is free from distraction and information, resting in the darkness of mind. What things do we connect with when that space is entered?")

 

("As soon as this form started taking shape, I heard my mother utter these words in my mind, vividly recalling how she would look me directly in the eye and proclaim, “This is nonsense!”, whenever she started drawing made-up “critters’, as she would call them. She reflected a mix of slight embarrassment and apology for having made something off the beaten path, yet it was clear that it delighted another more free side of herself to do so. It is good to remember her in simple moments like this, and to be able to conjure up the many drawings she did over decades for all of her children and grandchildren for birthdays and special occasions, always blaming the late hour in which they were created for the most zany ones (which were, of course, always our favorites)... With gratitude for her example, I send this encouragement out to all of you to let loose and play today.")

 

("This morning as I went to dip my brush into fresh paint pans, it occurred to me that it would be interesting to paint only from my enamel pan that holds remnants of color from over-saturated brushes. Using this palette was both limiting and expansive, as many of the dabs of paint run into adjacent ones, creating blends I would not have found (or wanted) in my straight pans. How like life this short exercise is— to use what we have in front of us, encompassing all forms of our well-being, and to make the best of it. This is timely, as I leave my family nest here this morning for 6 days that span connections with beloved family, friends, and some care for my body. I am grateful to have the love of all that I will briefly leave as well as join. Perhaps we can find beauty alongside the muddied in what is left on our palette...")

 

("As I set up a paint spot in the corner of my sister’s kitchen where bits of early morning light were shining in (seen in opening photo), I found my German grandmother’s old noodle cutting board nearby to prop on top of an old can, and sat in the wicker chair that belonged to my grandparents on the Irish side of the family. How fitting to be surrounded by bits of my history... photographs, antiques of my mama’s, pieces my sister has collected over the years in many jaunts with my mother and other sister, in a historic house in an old part of Indianapolis, the city where I grew up. This house is filled with a depth of art and craftsmanship that is a thing of the past, and I am soaking up the details in the woodwork, tiles, ceiling angles, cubbies, built-ins, and windows. I love old houses for this attention to detail and simple beauty, all providing texture and color and form that delights me. I am happy to join my other sister, sis-in-laws, and nieces today to celebrate the upcoming wedding of my nephew and his fiancé, feeling gratitude for all connections as our generations continue to grow.")

Spiral Gently (July 11, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

The other day I was awaiting news regarding a submission of artwork as part of a healing arts initiative by a local hospital network, one which I have been grateful to be included in previously.  I worked for weeks on new artwork to propose, and was even ahead of schedule in dropping it off to the location for jurying.  Anxious to hear if the work was accepted, I checked my email repeatedly (lol) for updates, as well as returned to reread the call for entry, realizing that it was actually the previous day in which notification was due.  

Hmmm.... not the best sign.  It took several moments for me to realize that in my focused efforts to get the work completed, framed, and dropped off before I had to leave town, that I completely forgot to submit my online paperwork (10 days previous).  UGH.  To say I was frustrated by this oversight would be an understatement, and I realized, yet again, that there was nothing else to do but breathe.  I took the dog out on the land and walked in the hot sun and bits of shade, seeking some outlet for this pent-up energy.  Still, feelings of disappointment and irritation remained, and I felt the pull of wanting to berate myself for this error.  I had ample opportunity to choose gentleness, instead, keeping perspective that this certainly was not life-impacting in any serious sort of way, and that I can reserve that energy for times when it will be needed.  I was aware of the tendency to self-criticize, and how long it has taken to not go to that place immediately (or at all).  

This is such a lifelong lesson that I also work on repeatedly with my children... that we can connect to our humanness and meet it compassionately-- and that this action not only makes us feel better, it makes it easier to extend to others when they need it.  I am not the best teacher, lol, this being a deeply entrenched habit, but I am coming along.  I did laugh at the small positives I could tell myself... that I was not dropping it off after speeding up there (hoping not to get behind a tractor) moments before the doors closed, that I created intentional work steeped in the energy of healing and calming, and that I will never repeat this mistake again, as once is quite enough.  Not exactly the outcome I was hoping for, but 'twas the best I could do...

"Renewal", (detail)

Working on the first piece was an experience in patience, stillness, and focus.  Although similar to the process of painting the small daily circles, this required much more prolonged attention to detail and scope.   I found it to be initially mesmerizing, and eventually, to be missing the freedom of the abstract nature of my circles.  The layers of paint in many hues and shades were different than colors I usually choose, and revitalized the cherry blossoms that bloomed briefly in our garden, photographed in a soaking rain and fog.  I smiled as I realized that I could not keep the abstract forms of my daily circles from ending up in the lines and shapes of this larger sphere.   Curious it is, how one form of expression follows into another...

"Renewal", (24 x 24 inches), watercolor

"Renewal", (24 x 24 inches), watercolor

The second piece involved layering encaustic over one of our redbuds, and then carving into the many layers of wax that shrouded the photographic image.  This was a nice change of work, and there was much enjoyment in returning to my love of carving into imagery.  It always reminds me of woodcuts, which I adore, with their line-within-line, all part of the whole.  

"Return of Hope", (detail)

 

Pigment was then applied over the entire surface, bringing out the serenity and beauty of the delicate buds that grace the branches every spring.  It was good to see some of my encaustic work in (almost) only 2 dimensions... allowing my eyes to sink into the composition in a different way.  The colors in this remind me of the wallpaper on my mother's walls where we grew up, and of the redbud she planted in direct view of the kitchen sink (smart woman!) as soon as she moved into the new house solo with all of us kids,  Sweet connections...

"Renewal of Hope", (24 x 24 inches, framed)

Thank you for following along this faux pax experience with me.  There is always an unexpected easing up in the telling.  I wish extra gentleness to all of you where you most need it...

Circle Round (July 1-7, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

This past week has flown by, as I have been immersed in making a new encaustic sculpture (more to come on this!).  It has felt great to be consumed with an intensive process, and has left space for both deep reflection during some of the more mundane steps of creating and full concentration needed to complete the difficult tasks at hand.  I hope you have all had a good past week, and find yourselves connected to what gives you meaning in the week to come...

("When I picked up my son from the PRIDE festival last night, the first words out of his mouth when he got in the car, were, “It was literally the best day of my life!” He said never had he been surrounded by such a feeling of complete openness and acceptance, and that it was the best thing, ever. His eyes were opened wide yesterday, and more importantly, his heart. How amazing it would be if we lived in a world where this was the norm. Let’s all do our part to create a society in which this basic safety exists, so that we may be free to experience the joy of expressing who we really are...")

 

("As I find myself knee-deep in a new encaustic sculpture, I feel the rush of energy this morning needed to work before I must leave for the day. Somehow, losing sleep when in creative mode feels better than losing it for other reasons, and last night I found my tired eyes scanning the sea of butterfly wings on my table— shades of brown, black, yellow, rust and orange... but where my eyes were repeatedly drawn was to the solitary set of iridescent blue wings, with colors that shifted with the changing light and angles from which they were viewed. I was mesmerized by them! There is something so pure about blue and it’s many shades, and I never seem to tire of it. I have loved blue cobalt glass since I was small, and still marvel at the depth of color and density in that hue. What colors give you energy and stir your spirit?")

 

("Inner excavation is some of the most difficult work... courage is needed to bring to the surface that which seeks light. Thank goodness for breath, fresh air, and love from each other to support this tender release...")

 

("As I awaken into the day in which our country celebrates its independence, I hold gratitude for our freedom. I was mulling over the meaning of the word, “independence”, as I walked, pondering how vital and present interdependence is, as well... both in our world and in our own lives. Wishing freedom in whatever ways you most need it today...")

 

("Living on a ridge that leads to bottomland and a creek, an ever-changing landscape greets me each morning. I especially love when the air is thick with mist from humidity that could not dissipate during the night, and waves of mist cling to the contours of the hillsides. It seems to create an extra layer of quiet, yet also magnifies sounds emerging from the awakening wildlife. It is curious how when I stop resisting the heat and humidity, and instead sink into it, that the life surrounding becomes more vibrant and palpable. I am sure there is a lesson here to transfer over into life-living... As I write these words, I am also aware that at times, there is no escape from the heat, and that we must seek respite for self-preservation.")

 

("One of the few parts of math I loved as a child was number lines... I found it great fun to make the curving loops, one number to the next— predictable if I just concentrated and followed along to the adjacent numeral until I landed where my pencil needed to be. That memory made me smile as I painted, thinking how convenient it would be if we could follow this method to make our lives unfold in such a reliable manner. Rather, it is with great care, intention, and effort that we must connect the imperfect dots that appear in the continuum of our lives, fueled by a sense of underlying hope and trust that urges us into moving forward into the unknown each day...")

 

("Stepping outside and immediately being able to breathe in deep inhalations of fresh cool air was a wonderful gift as I walked this morning— what a difference it makes to be able to breathe easily and fully into that which awakens and refreshes us!")

Circle Round (June 25-June 30, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

As I share what has happened inside my own circle this week, I ponder what experiences filled yours... life is a rich, diverse tapestry of which we all are a part.  Wishing you freedom, love, and joy in the week to come...

("I sat for a long time this morning, staring at this circle and pondering its meaning, and nothing came. I realized that this is okay, and that the most important part of the circle, yet again, was the doing of it... the process of sinking into the unknown, and bringing some part of my unconscious outward. When I can let go of expectations, there is more ease and excitement in the making (and living). Every morning as I put paintbrush in hand and see another blank circle, I realize there is opportunity for self-acceptance that is not dependent on the quality of painting or the words that accompany it. Let us all experience the joy that comes from making and celebrate the openness our hearts feel when we can do so gently.")

 

("When unfelt emotions from the past burst through to the present, I hear the beckoning from deep within to bring light into the darkness and allow for the release of that which no longer serves me, or my children, or those I love. May we all find courage to be with the rawness in ourselves...")

 

("Both in these circles and in this life, what shows up isn’t always pretty and sometimes it goes outside the lines. But there is power in the telling, and healing in the release. Onward!")

("The bright orange dots of butterfly weed magically appearing on the hillsides are something I look forward to every summer. This year, I was delighted to discover three shades, ranging from deep red, to vibrant orange, to a shade of even lighter creamy orange. I pondered about what factors account for these beautiful variations, and on how like the butterfly weed we are, influenced both by forces over accumulating years and by the people in our lives every day, known an unknown. When we can offer kindness and love wherever possible, perhaps we will encourage the best in each other being brought forth...")

 

("When I stepped out the door this morning, I felt like I had walked into a tunnel made out of a wet blanket... I could hardly see past the 50 yards that lay in front of me, and the air was so full of moisture that there were tiny droplets of water falling on my body and everything around me. The landscape had an ethereal quality that I found both eerie and intriguing. The monochromatic shades of gray, white and darkness were lit only by the tiny bits of color from chicory, lemon balm, clover, butterfly weed, and lemon balm, who beckoned me to slow down and absorb all the minute detail surrounding, calling for attention which is often directed upwards to the ever-changing cloud-filled sky at sunrise...

Much to my delight, I was also greeted by hundreds of spider web formations that announced themselves not only in the immediate yard, but throughout the fields and hillsides, reminded of the immense number of natural weavers that live in our midst without making their presence known most of the time. I was fascinated by their delicate textile webs spun so close in proximity to one another, very similar (although no two the same), yet seemingly not at all concerned about the competition of the other. It made me smile as I thought of how much our human world could benefit from this example— certainly, we could all stand to live in more harmony together, free to beautify the world with what we each have to offer.")

 

("On this last day of June, my 14 year old son is joyfully preparing to attend his first PRIDE festival with his friends. As I walked and painted today’s circle, my thoughts and feelings radiated out from a place of deep gratitude, respect, compassion, and celebration for all those who are somewhere on the path as LGBTQ+, especially my brother and his husband of 25 years, Pete McNamara and Bart Peterson, and the many dear friends I love who walk this road with courage, tenacity and hard work for change, and yes, PRIDE. I continue to learn beautiful life lessons about diversity and love from each of them, and feel incredibly fortunate for their influence in my life and in my childrens’ lives. As my son recently scrawled in chalk on a sidewalk in front of a school we were passing, “Love Is Love”, he expressed hope that it might help a kid who is struggling with their identity and feeling alone. My added hope was that other kids and adults might read it and give it space in their minds and hearts. The power to open to and honor this message lies within us all...")

Circles (June 10-24, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

It has been quite a full past two weeks as we visited the beach and returned home.  There are more words than usual here, perhaps loosened up by the waves and the churning tide on our country's soil.  I am so grateful for being home, and for all the experiences we gained as a family and as a group.  May your week be spent in ways that fill you and make you feel connected to others...

("Very much in need of some levity this morning, my brush dipped repeatedly into these soothing-to-me shades, enjoying the lack of expectation for anything other than experimentation and calming. Wishing you all the balm of experiences that offer soothing today...")

 

("For as much as I love nature, brown has not often shown up in these circles. So, today I tentatively dove in, and encouraged my hand to paint a continuous line, no shape in mind (per usual). My curiosity peaked as I began to connect the rendered lines with a mere trace of water, watching the pigment release and flow into the newly created path. The transformation that happens with the introduction of water continues to fascinate me, and the delicacy in creating the finer connections brought relief after the initial decisiveness needed to start the original line. There is always interplay between our will, choice, and things out of our control that exist in our daily lives. It is nice when the lines of resistance can soften and release can happen, even if only for a moment...")

 

("This morning I am feeling gratitude for the gift of voice. The ability to verbally express what we feel in our hearts is easier said than done, but the growth that can result may be worth the risk. May we all experience the peace of release...")

 

("This morning my family begins a trek to the ocean, where we will join with fellow homeschooling families @redoaks_explorers to camp. It has been 7 years since our family has been to the ocean together, and I can’t begin to say how ready we are to sink in to this experience. While we are away for the week, I will paint circles at some point in the day, and likely will leave the words behind, making room for the precious moments spent welcoming in the light of dawn on the beach. I will be sending serenity and goodness to you all, and holding space for those that are in need... Have a lovely week! (I am unsure of WiFi availability, so posting may be erratic).")

 

("Back on the road for the final leg of our journey... the ocean awaits!  “Glee” is the word for the day :). Wishing you all a sense of exhilaration...")

 

("We arrived to our group campsite to find the long path and connecting fields to it completely submerged in water (ie. deep enough for the kids to later kayak in), and many of the sites in the woods with floating campfire rings and ponding water. Setting up tents quickly to beat the storm that was only slightly predicted, we sought shelter and watched the torrential rain that came. No picture-taking device was accessible, but I know the sight will remain etched into my mind... it was raining so hard that it almost appeared to be coming out of the ground as it shot back up into the air. We sought shelter across from a beautifully expansive tree with low branches that spread in every direction, framed by the rain in a most lovely composition. When the downpour and lightning finally subsided, we returned through the even more flooded area to assess those tents and belongings now underwater, and readjusted course. To say that it was not the most hospitable of welcomings would be an understatement, but it is interesting to see how quickly we acclimated to having to trek back and forth through this 2 feet deep swampiness every time we needed something from our cars (as unbeknownst to us, these were not drive-up sites). We most definitely will have some good story-telling material from this trip, and surely, it can only get better!")

 

("This morning we awoke to sound of crashing waves in the distance, and the early songs of birds welcoming in a fresh start to the day. Walking down to the beach during sunrise, we watched crabs scuttle across the sand and throw dirt out of their holes, collected remnants of shells washed up during the night, and took in the sounds of the water. Gratitude abounds for a new day, with hope for a much more peaceful following.")

 

("Flying a kite by the light of the moon happened to be enjoyed more by me than by my growing kids... a good reminder that you are never too old to enjoy things that brought wonder and joy as a child. Perhaps as adults, we need these experiences even more to fill us back up... Wishing you all simple pleasures where you can find them!")

 

("Investigating the beach at five this morning, we strained our eyes to take in the treasures brought in the night’s tide. As the light began to filter its way in through the darkness, I found myself drawn repeatedly to these tubules of green— succulent and translucent, yet substantial, and nearly aglow with their contained energy. Pondering the nutrient-dense food this plant must be for creatures in the sea, I was struck with how little I know of marine life, despite the nautical organic shapes that show up in much of my work. Although I enjoy learning and understanding about the teeming life which surrounds, I also enjoy the sense of not knowing, and merely connecting to the essence of these mysterious and abundant beings.")

 

("As I paint while driving (spouse) along the highway to return home (which is an interesting challenge on these bumpy curvy roads), my mind is preoccupied with shapes of specimens found along sandy shores, remnants of living beings pulled forth from the ocean‘s depths. Having seen and touched variations of live branches and brightly colored coral as well as those fossilized, my thoughts return to coral fragments we have discovered on our hillsides in Kentucky. Basic research reveals that the age of this KY coral is hundreds of million of years old, which is difficult to comprehend... even more so is imagining our land being under ocean water. It leaves me pondering the profound experience of being alive during a mere moment in a long progression of time, mindful yet again of the imprint we have the opportunity to leave...")

 

("Aware of the privilege of going away, I am even more keenly aware of the privilege of returning to a home. As I urged my body out of the bed at dawn this morning, feeling the exhaustion that comes only when an arduous journey is over, I sunk my soles into the grass on the hills with our ecstatic doggie in tow. My feet, unfamiliar with the constraints of shoes after a week of walking barefoot through swampy water, blistering pavement, and the variants of cool and hot sand, felt a happy familiarity of connecting with ground so densely covered in vegetation. As I began the descent to the bottomland, my eyes adjusted to a small swatch of colors peeking between the clouds. Realizing a rainbow loomed behind, I bolted back to get my phone, hoping it would still be there upon return.

It was, and not only began to widen its arc as the clouds parted, but revealed the pale replica of a second shadowing rainbow. Mesmerized by the changing intensity as we walked, following it through to the other end which had become visible, I felt such gratitude for this simple gift that would have been missed had I stayed in the bed I so did not want to leave. As I returned home to set up paints in my favorite spot on the front porch, rain began to fall from the sky that had filled with clouds in ten minute’s time... as I glanced between the trees through the rain, I realized a third rainbow had emerged with the rising sun, and once again, ran into my house to retrieve my camera, not dreaming that yet another would appear. Today I wish you the delight of rainbows when you least expect them...")

 

("I do not have words or imagery that can begin to touch the devastating nightmare being lived by immigrant children and parents who have had this basic sacred human right severed... we have much work to do in connecting to compassion and basic decency and dignity.")

 

("The title of this circle must be the most understated yet— I am referring to our country’s leadership and our widely varying reactions/actions in response to the ravaging trauma that immigrant families are experiencing. It is overwhelming, knowing full well that the impact of this severance and ensuing treatment will last for the rest of their lives, rippling out in all directions— reunited, or not. This is far more profound than being merely a political issue... at its foundation, it is an issue of basic human rights. Every one of us can use the privilege of voice to speak out for these children and families who risked their very lives to seek our help. Let us each empower ourselves and join the momentum that is active and find ways to call for change that will bring humanity, healing, and true refuge for those so desperately in need.")

 

("I remember being taught not to fear the dark as a child... offered as soothing reassurance to calm fears of the unknown. I was reflecting on this while walking the beach at night, feeling the vastness of the ocean and its crashing waves, aware of the fear creeping up while walking so close to its edge. As I breathed into the anxiety, I felt my body relax and my eyes adjust to subtle beauty not seen in daylight... the highlights of the cresting waves, the faint glow of the night sky contrasted against the dark water. I tuned more deeply into the sounds of the night, and felt the texture of the now cool sand on my feet. In one sense, my mother was right— there is an expansive space and stillness in the dark of night that allows us just to be.

And yet there is another kind of darkness, experienced in every corner of the world... a deeper darkness which is painfully real. As my body repeatedly trekked through the swampy water in pitch black to our wooded campsite, I was starkly aware of the fact that I had flashlight in hand, and that no bright lights would shine into my face on the other side, with people behind them that would take my children away from me. This small experience of challenge (which existed purely because of privilege and opportunity that have nothing to do with deserving) made me continually imagine the fear of the dark that comes from crossing rivers in silence with no light to guide the way, meeting untold danger— no dry tent waiting on the other side and certainly no beach walks the next morning... not even the space to process what is happening with those in the same experience. I felt awkward writing/painting about our camp-out as “challenge” in the midst of such concurring violation, and my mama friend and I were discussing this dilema—how to give ourselves permission to connect to the joy and love and challenge in our lives and not be consumed by guilt. The best we could come up with is to remain mindful of what we do have, make room to feel what is happening in the darkness, and use these experiences to replenish our spirits so that we can mobilize to help those in need while living our lives the best we can...")

 

Circles (June 3-9, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

This past week has been one of living fully, with highs that came from time spent in nature with dear friends, and lows that came from letting go... all are part of life, and we do our best to meet them as they present each sunrise.  Wishing you fullness in your life in the coming days...

("It is a beautiful morning, and I decided to paint from one of my favorite warm weather spots— our humble storm shelter top, which overlooks the hillside, deep into the ravine. As I listen to the birds, bugs, frogs, and neighbor’s cows, I am reminded that some of the most profound spots to sit and be are right in our midst. I am filled with gratitude for our land and dwelling, and hope we all have spaces that are safe and cherished.")

 

("As my sons grow and explore the many facets of being with others, I am struck by the power of connections— those that bring a deeper sense of belonging and self, and those that bring alienation, calling for exploration and resolution. It is amazing that these experiences shape us throughout our whole lives, and exciting that new ones can come at any age. I am moved by the sheer joy that discovery of friendship can bring, and grateful every day for this gift of connection.")

 

("When feeling agitated, uncertain, and uncomfortable in my own skin, I know it is time to head outside. Nature never ceases to amaze me with its power to offer release, clarity, space, and comfort by the mere act of sinking into it. Yesterday evening, the grassy hills offered engagement with the workings of my body, the shade of the trees offered respite, the breeze brought soothing scents of honeysuckle, and my ears perked up with the sounds of the creek. I returned home with renewed spirit, reminded that some days it is just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and tuning in to nature, wherever we can find it. Wishing a sense of grounding for each of you today...")

 

("Every day we are exposed to immense suffering across the globe and in our own lives. There remains an ongoing search for those gems which emanate beauty in the midst of suffering so that we do not become immobilized by feelings of helplessness... they may present as simply as compassionate acts expressed by human beings or by the exquisite beauty nature continually reveals to us. Let us all find sources of softness and hope alongside pain, so that we may continue finding the energy needed to cope in our world.")

 

("I am mindful this morning of the profoundness of breath. As we sit with our oldest cat as his body and breathing slow, we are grateful for his time with our family, holding the love and peace that he has brought to all of us. Once again, the miracle of life is affirmed...")

 

("Last night, our boys had the experience of being with our beloved cat as he gently breathed his way out of this life... I am grateful that they had the courage to hold him during his transition, and to see with their eyes and feel in their bodies, that final release can be so peaceful, even in the midst of deep feelings of loss. I am grateful for the soothing from ritual that emerged naturally, an extension of the love felt, as we prepared him a beautiful resting place. May we all find a place of peace today...")

 

("Contained in this circle are difficult feelings... whenever news breaks that someone famous has left this world by their own will, it confronts the complex core of our human spirit. We likely all have lost someone we love or know to suicide, or perhaps struggled with our own inner fight. This morning, I am sending compassion for all those who are trying to survive in the aftermath of this grief, as well as hope for those in the grip of it, wishing for hope and possibility to break through the bars that can keep us separate from each other and our truest selves. May we all help and heal one another with our love...")

This week our family will travel to the beach with many families in our Red Oaks Forest School, and will return the following week.  Not yet sure of the wifi capability, there may be some space between this and the next post... I am going to bring my tin box full of watercolor supplies in hopes of maintaining the flow, and will see what transpires :).  Best to you all....

Circles (May 27- June 2, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

I have enjoyed many mornings painting from this vantage point, appreciating the sounds, fragrance, and space of summer as it begins to unfold.  Sending much love and light to all of you as you sink into whatever season surrounds you...

("Flowers and light were the original filling of this circle, but I overworked it and got more and more irritated with the composition as I did so. In a moment of frustration at my self-imposed rule to not throw away any circle, I took a fully loaded brush and swiped over the whole thing (not taking deep breaths while I did so, ahem...). This new circle was no easier to reckon with, as now the paper was saturated and getting fuzzy from overworking. I layered color after color into the new space, and added in detail here and there, all the while reflecting how much this mirrors life, and how often we confront things way more challenging than a circle on paper, wishing we could paint over it or just get a fresh one out from the drawer and start over. But we all pick up our brushes again and again, painting into spaces that are challenging. I hope you honor your determination and resolve to face the things in your life that take all that you have, and that you find beauty in the process and in the layers that come to light...")

 

("On this day of honoring those who have served and those who have gone before us, I am also mindful of those who still walk, with wounds and scars that we may not see, and the circles of loved ones who deeply know and feel the impact and after effects of this sacrifice. Let us remember all who have fought in a myriad of ways, and offer gratitude for the dedication and courage required, as well as call forth love, space, and light for healing.")

 

("As I continue to age alongside those I love, I am aware of the gentleness that it takes to continue growing and maturing, and the privilege of experiencing this progression... Holding awareness of the many aspects of life that bring darkness, I remain grateful for this innate ability to grow towards the light. May we all be supporting branch and shelter for each other in this journey.")

 

("Waking up to a heartfelt message sent by a friend who could not sleep, I pondered her gentle thoughtful words, steeped in gratitude and kindness, as I walked the dog up and down the hill in the darkness. My heart felt full, aware of the profound power of affirmation. When I left social work and my years with hospice, I vowed to cultivate this gift by practicing it in the present, having witnessed it proclaimed many times over at the end of life. I have been fortunate to experience the plunge through vulnerability that brings the joy of expressed sentiments. How fortunate we are to reflect to each other what we do not always see in ourselves, and to be enriched every single day by this collective of interdependent energy and love...")

 

("Holding space again for those in the tenuous place of proceeding to next steps, wishing abundant energy and the courage needed to persevere... Please send love, light, and prayers to my sister-in-law, brother, and their daughters, as they finally meet with the oncologist today... it is deeply appreciated.")

 

("This morning I slowly awakened from deep sleep, unaware for precious moments, that I had a body... I love to float in this vastness, untethered to time and space... it sings of the value of surrendering to the respite that all of our bodies, minds, and spirits need to flourish. This truth was reflected in the plan my sister-in-law received from her oncologist yesterday— every third week of her regime is to be rest. In this place of peace and pure intention, we invite healing...")

 

("Yet again, I am mulling over how the human spirit is able to regain composure and set new paths when abruptly swept off course... I often watch the birds fly over and between the hills where we live, finding the current of air that supports their flight with as little wing action as necessary... and witnessing how much harder those wings must work when storms are approaching and the wind interrupts their ease of movement. Like them, we too hold innate abilities to reorient in the face of adversity, and to find inner strength in ourselves that we may not have realized we had.")

 

"IT CAME FROM THE COMPOST HEAP" /  by Hayden Michelle

"Abundance",  (5.5 x 8 x 6 inches)

One day, I was emptying vegetable and fruit rind into a well-tended compost pile of a friend, only to discover a vibrant  beauty of a plant growing directly out of the middle of the compost.  I had never seen this plant in my part of the country, and was mesmerized by the glorious gradation of color that existed on this single stalk.  Of course, I ran and got my camera, as if it were going to evaporate by the time I came back...

The seeds on it looked good enough to eat, although the artist whom I was staying with informed me that it was not edible and considered a weed, alluring as it was.  Well, I happen to have deep appreciation for things viewed as needing to be pulled out and discarded...

Carved one seed at a time, I mindfully pondered the carrying this refugee into another dimension, enjoying the slow and deliberate process. I was left with strands of papery outer leaves that needed some grounding, and was happy to have them wrap around and meet to create support and safe structure for this newly emerged being.


As I have continued creating these sculptures and working to strengthen their integrity, I realized that much of my encaustic sculpture process thus far has been to do so without showing how this integrity is achieved.  It occurred to me that this is a strong parallel to how we present ourselves out in society-- trying to keep what holds us together, below the surface.  And rather than hiding the hard work that goes into holding ourselves together,  we have the opportunity to share the importance of that role in our survival and blooming.

As always, I am grateful for the lessons that are taught to me through the making and sharing of art, deepening my self-awareness, as well as the gratitude of being connected with others.  May we all celebrate the thread and stitches that hold us together.  

Circles (May 20-26, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

This week brought the end of our regular homeschooling year, and we are ecstatic to begin our summer schedule... my focus will be on making more art, especially encaustic sculpture, and preparing for my first solo show this upcoming fall.  I wish you all peace and the enjoyment of each other as you celebrate this holiday that signals the arrival of summer here...  I am aware of the profound privilege that comes with living in a free country, and feel deep gratitude for those that gave their service and lives to make this possible.  

("I could not at all think of what this circle brought to mind, until it hit me— the fabric of an apron my grandmother would have worn. She was born in 1904, and I did not know her deeply, but vividly remember her love of baking delectable strawberry rhubarb pies in her pink kitchen, and the sacred space she created in her urban back yard... the smell of Lily of the Valley brings me there to this day. My mother said she and her mom would go out in the backyard every morning, “to see what had changed from the night before”— I heard this bit shared over and over throughout my life, especially in my mama’s last years. It clearly gave her comfort to remember this simple ritual of morning time spent with her mother observing the wonders of nature. I am struck now with the power of its underlying message— that change is part of life, and that each and every day brings new possibility for growth.")

("Sometimes we know of other’s inner struggles, and sometimes we do not. This morning, I am beaming light into the darkness, hoping for love, healing, and hope to surround and bring peace. We can all shed this on one another, illuminating the inner light that is always there, and so hard to see in the midst of night.")

("We are on the road again, this time awakening under a roof of concrete in a large city, a day ahead filled with appointments... As we pulled into the hotel lot in the dark late last evening, my 14 year old son excitedly opened his new box of 99 cent colored chalk, and began drawing a huge eye on an empty parking space, wondering aloud if the falling rain would wash it away by morning or greet the first person to come upon this bit of art left to be discovered. It was not until I let my brush dip into the white, quickly followed by cobalt, that I saw the shape that emerged in my circle— and the power of influence we have on each other, even if just unconsciously, dawned on me. I was reminded by my son’s eagerness to not delay the joy of creating, and to let the outcome be rooted in wonderment, rather than worry.")

 

("How do we protect what we hold dear? As I was coming to the end of this painting, I sensed some light needed to be brought into the purple areas, and pulled some pigment off with my water-dipped brush... how I wish it were that easy to remove heavier parts of our lives. I then saw the bird image nestled around these darker parts, and was comforted by finding it. Birds can nest when they need protection and rest, and take flight when they are rejuvenated. Wishing you all sanctuary in the places and ways you find most sacred...")

("Each minute another rung on the ladder, I often ponder where I am going, what each day will bring... I reflect on what I will do with the time ahead, full of possibility on days I can hold on to that awareness and give it momentum. Other days, it can get lost in both the tiny and tremendous challenges of life, calling for time to rest gently in space, allowing for rejuvenation. Yesterday, our @redoaks_explorers group canoed down the Kentucky River. The day was as beautiful as any we could have hoped for, and we navigated the river fluctuating between my son digging his paddle as hard as he could from the bow, and me in the stern, intermittently putting my paddle into water to steer, back us out of places we need not have stayed, and of course, to assist :). We had many conversations about the fact that it was not a race to get down the river (except when it was, haha), and how there is much joy to be had in surrendering to the flow to carry us. As other families glided by, we offered encouragement, affirmations of their abilities, observations of wildlife and discarded objects discovered in the water, and a few retrievals of floating paddles released from relaxed hands. It was interesting to see the many ways we traversed the water, and to experience small pockets of solitude before rejoining the collective. The smiles were contagious as we shared the unspoken appreciation for the gift of this simple connection to nature and each other.")

("This title came through a response to a post the other day, and it occurred to me how much it describes the process of raising our children and growing ourselves— the gentle holding of what we already know to be familiar and true, and the trusting of the process that brings new things to light... I think there is most always some struggle that accompanies change, and remind myself that unforeseen goodness and growth most always comes, as well. I feel grateful for the example and connection with those that have forged these paths before, inspired and encouraged by their wisdom and perspective.")

("There is nothing quite like waking up the first morning of a new phase... for my family, it marks the beginning of summer — transition to different modes of learning, and a much needed opportunity for rest, play, and rejuvenation. After the initial buzz of cleaning and reorganizing the remnants of the past 9 months, I get to launch into my most concentrated time of year for art-making, and could not be more thrilled. I will delve further into my encaustic sculpture, and continue to explore its intersection with my circles. As anxious as I am to sprint out of the gates, I am aware that I must allow for space in between these bursts of effort and energy, as we all must, in order to keep going. Wishing you all momentum for what calls you, and vast spaciousness to surround you when needed...")

Circles (May 13-19, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

This past week has been another full one, and I am happy to say that despite a long rough week, Erin, my sister-in-law, is now recovering at home... I am so grateful for all the thoughts, love, and prayers coming to them, and appreciate the ongoing flow, as they will need them for the next legs of the journey.   Much goodness to all of you in the week to come, and thank you for following me along here... you all enliven and support my personal circle in so many ongoing and deep ways...

("This morning, I am holding the energy of my mama, surrounded by her presence which continues powerfully in my life. As I mother my own two boys, I come to know better what she sacrificed in raising us, and most importantly, how she gave deeply of herself in ways too numerous to count. I am aware of how she lives on in me and in my boys, thankful for her love, grit, and gentleness. And I extend this gratitude of being mothered to my sisters (and in-laws) and my female friends, both for their strong examples of mothering, as well as for the nurturing and loving they have shared with me. Let us all remember those who have inspired, comforted, and buoyed us up with their feminine energy, and pass it on to those who need it.")

 

("This morning circle is for Erin, my younger brother’s wife... this past week she was very suddenly and unexpectedly diagnosed with colon cancer, underwent surgery, and is now working to recover so that she can begin chemotherapy in 4-6 weeks for her involved liver. Erin is young, 43, and strong, as is her family... they have 4 daughters, and a beautiful family. I am painting on her behalf, asking for all the prayers, love, support, and positive energy that we can muster to lift her and my brother John and their girls up during this beyond-words-or-images time. I know they will appreciate the collective love surrounding them, infusing their beings with healing, strength, courage, and deep hope.")

 

("I was contemplating with a loved one the other day about how it is even possible to cope with what emerges in each life when it can be so overwhelming. I continue to be in awe of the human capacity to find courage within to walk into what most scares us, and to face it in the midst of the unknown. I am grateful that we are able to hold space for each other and share love along the way, all the while knowing we can not do some of the most difficult work for each other. Wishing you all the strength and empowerment to face what is most challenging in your life, and hoping we can all feel the light that remains present in the struggle.")

 

("We continue to hold space with Erin, John, and their girls as they endure the long wait for test results... We are grateful and deeply moved by the outpouring of compassion, love, and prayers— let us continue to hold them and one another in our waiting.")

 

("This morning I awakened under a canopy of trees, surrounded by my beloveds as well as ten other families @redoaks_explorers. As the birds sing their early morning chorus, the chirps of children are beginning to fill the air. Songs around the campfire last night elicited much gratitude for the unexpected absence of rain... I am aware of the privilege of togetherness— in partnership, family, and friends, both near and far. I am thankful for the ways we complement and balance one another, growing throughout each experience of interchange. We all share this journey together.")

 

("This morning’s painting was an exercise in brevity, as I attempted to avoid the raindrops that began to fall within moments of beginning. I found it fitting that the randomly placed swish of the black brush left marks reminiscent of a bird in flight. I could not help but smile as I thought of us all packing up in this light rain, which we were so fortunate to largely avoid, heading home to our own secure nests.")

 

("Having spent hours watching the flickers of the bonfire, I came away remembering the vast nature of the flames... how they changed in intensity from the initial low and calm, to full, bright, and wild. We watched, mesmerized, as “magic dust” was sprinkled into its center, creating striking flames infused with color in the flares that followed... Reflecting on the brushstrokes that filled the circle on my paper, my mind connected with how much raising children (and ourselves in the process) is much like tending a fire and keeping it stoked to continue burning. Although we are in different stages of parenting our children, we each seek to find what nurtures them, unique as they are in the ages, needs, and interests that draw them out to their full potential. We learn from each other’s experience throughout this delicate task, as well as share how we keep our own flames alight, perhaps renewing exploration of what colors may yet emerge out of our own unexpressed sparks and inner fire. Let us all nurture this enkindling wherever warmth and light are needed.")

Circles of Life ( May 6-12, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

This week began with a posting about celebration of life-- that of my son as he celebrated his 14th birthday with friends and family... and the week continued with a different level of facing the preciousness of life.  On Wednesday, we heard the unexpected news that my 43 year old sister-in-law, Erin, was rushed to the emergency room the previous night, and after exploratory CT scans, diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer.  The shock of such news in those we love has no adequate preparation, and my brother John and their 4 girls, as well as family and friends, are facing this news by rallying around to support her and the whole family in the gravity of this unexpected journey.  

Erin underwent major surgery on Friday, which was successful, and now will recover 4-6 weeks before starting chemotherapy for the involvement of her liver.  She asks for as much prayer and support and love as can be sent her way, and for her family, especially John, "who is my number one support" (as said by Erin), and their children.   Please muster all the positive energy you can to support her  healing and recovery, and strength for her entire family and all those who love her through this incredible challenge.  We love them all dearly, and want them to be surrounded by as much sustenance as possible.  I know they will feel your love and care, and I thank each of your for your prayers and holding of space for them.  Gratitude beyond words...

("Yesterday we awoke to dark rainy skies, and proceeded to a farm, where we celebrated my son’s 14th birthday. Completely undaunted by the existing conditions, the kids headed immediately out of the shelter and onto the green grassy hills, hours of intermittent rain pounding their uncaring bodies as they played Capture the Flag, all ages mingling in the freshness of the air. They created music and sang for a long while before returning for a power game of Red Rover, parents cheering from the sidelines as if it were the finals of some big game. But the kicker of the whole day was the kids quite literally sinking into the joy of mud, which began with a single sling by one of the remaining kids, and ended with head-to-toe encasement in this most primal element of the earth. I do not think any of us has laughed that hard or long in some time. We drove home still laughing, filled with the reminder of the simple power of play and friendship. Wishing you all the same today...")

 

("This painting took way longer than it “should” have, and not because the end result is particularly wonderful, haha... it is because I could not leave it alone, and the more I tried to accentuate the separate spaces, the more they bled together. I was eventually left with the choice to blend in the parts that had bled together, and make them cohesive, or ditch the painting, which I promised myself I would not do in this daily discipline— I vowed to work with each circle, love it or not, develop it the best I could, and call it a day. This is what we all do every day, I realize— work with what we have, try to integrate and honor even the pieces we would rather disown and keep separate. It occurred to me that I was only able to relax when I could see the beauty that resulted in the parts that came together here, seeing that they softened some of the hard edges. Aware, once again, of my own inner resistance to acceptance of things I find less than appealing. Happy this bit of pigment, water, and paper made me mindful of this dynamic and gave me a visual to remember its message.")

 

("As I age and face my own health and that of those I hold dear, I reflect often on how to heal in ways that attend to both my inner and outer needs. We are all a balance of these energies, and like the spaces which I all too often try to keep separate, one is part of the other, as inseparable as I am from the genes that are my blueprint. I wish generosity of compassion, courage, and hope for all that are coping with illness in their minds, bodies, and spirits. As one wise woman with whom I work has often reminded me, our whole beings strive to be well and to heal what needs healing— it is deeply rooted in our nature...")

 

("As I wake each day, I feel an ongoing struggle with tending to my own growth as I care for the daily needs of my children, and stay connected to our family and friends. It occurs to me that the same soil that feeds my children and spouse and those I love, is the same soil that feeds me, and that we all must depend on a consistent flow of water, nourishment, and sunlight in order for our lives to flourish. Time, energy, and resources are needed to make this happen for each one of us, and all are pulled in many directions. My hope is that each day, we can find small ways to remain fortified and balanced, teaching our children and ourselves that there is enough light for us all, and that flowering is not only possible, but vital.")

 

("As the rain is pouring down on the patches of dirt outside my window, I am reflecting on how naturally and effortlessly water soaks into parched earth, and how I wish I could just send this ease of healing for those who need it... We can all radiate out love, and reflect back the courage and inner strength of those who are in this difficult place, letting them know they are surrounded by deep love and immense hope...")

 

("Holding space and prayers and support for loved ones in the very heavy place of waiting today, surrounding them with calm, extra breath, trust, and hope for healing.")

 

("Often when I walk, I come across imprints of animals that have crossed before me. I always wonder where they were going, if they were traveling alone or with another... I reflect on my own life and the tracks that have influenced who I am, grateful for the lessons that have already come and the potent possibility contained in those yet to come. Today, I want to remember with gratitude all those who shape my life, as well as hold awareness for the many ways we can shape each other’s. It is empowering to know that always, there is the chance to make positive difference in each other’s lives.")

 

Circle Round (April 22-May 5, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

We are happy to be coming up for air after a very full past 2 weeks, packed with theater and birthday celebrations for our oldest son.  I am grateful for all of the lessons that came from a wide variety of experiences with friends and our own small family unit, and look forward to this month of May unfolding with more to come...  wishing you all fresh air and a joyful sinking in to this beautiful month!

("Peacefulness comes like a balm on days I get to stay home, the luxury of being in my own space and rhythm, choosing how to spend the precious time. Because these days are increasingly rare as my children are entering busier times in their lives, I am reminding myself to sink into the gratitude for what free time I do have, to focus on the aliveness that is inside my children and myself, and to connect to the abundance of energy that is erupting outdoors with spring. Although this circle is full of cool colors, they always feel full of potent energy for me, as if containing pure Spirit. Wishing you all space, flow, and vitality today as you fill yourselves up before beginning a new week...")

 

("I am appreciating simplicity this morning, and the small spaces that can be created by line. I am drawn to these enclosures that exist in nature, and find myself repeating them often in my work. Perhaps because they look like ideal places to rest, protected from the bustle of outside life. Wishing you all sacred spaces to rest in your week ahead...")

 

("Walking in the pouring rain with our dog this morning, I turned off my flashlight, realizing there was enough graying light to see the contours of the land. What my eyes could not quite register, were the brambles that are beginning to sprout up at knee height, as they do every spring. It made me catch my footing, and to reflect on how perennial in nature thorns are in our lives— some that come to bear fruit, and some that just remain painful in their protective purpose. The color that blankets the hillside as they come alive every year, especially in the rain, lends a deep magenta-purple hue, also stops me in my tracks. I remind myself to find beauty where I can, and to step back enough to evaluate what needs pruning, or is left to run out its own course of life...")

 

("We are midstream into tech week for our homeschooling theater group, the production being this weekend. Today we head to the actual theater, where we will spend many hours a day, bringing together what they have worked so hard on this whole year long. From the last 2 years’ experience, I know we feel a bit like bats by the end of the long run, having been deep inside the cave with no windows for days on end. I think my mind needed to create some open space this morning, to carry inside us all. Here’s to light within!")

 

("Some mornings when the resistance comes that can make me sit and anxiously stare at the blank circle, I am aware of the quickly passing minutes that bring me closer to the realities of the day unfolding... I eventually make myself pick up my brush, pick whichever color I am drawn to, and rapidly make a line across the page. Often, that is the hardest step, even though there is not one single threat that is real about beginning (or continuing). This part of the human psyche is curious to me, and makes me realize it holds true for so many parts of our lives— beginning is often the hardest part. Wishing you ease in beginning things that are awaiting action, however big or small they may be :).")

 

("When I got to the bottom of the land with the dog this morning, I adjusted my flashlight to a brighter beam, as I could smell that a skunk was nearby. Much to my dismay, the rechargeable batteries gave out, and I was left in darkness, only the faintest outline of the hill behind me. I immediately laughed, as I often do when stressed, and reminded myself that I know the land, and that my feet, legs, and vestibular system know the incline, muscle memory being what it is. I took a breath away from the scent of the skunk, and began trodding steadily uphill, hoping she was not following. Our theater kids filled my mind and heart then— just how fearless they are in getting up on that stage, day after day, long hours, much feedback and processing... and every single one of them facing their own obstacles in standing in their own two feet, finding their voice, and busting through resistance into their courage. I have so much respect for these kids, and such gratitude for working alongside them, absorbing the powerful lessons they teach us all.")

 

("Diversity is such an integral part of life, whether it be human, animal, plant, or the environments surrounding us that we call home. I am grateful for experiences that deepen my appreciation for diversity in all its forms, and remind myself to seek out and celebrate them whenever I can. This world in which we live is incredibly rich with uniqueness, and I am grateful that our children are growing up with more awareness. Let’s find ways to open to and honor differences in the many beautiful forms they exist, especially people. We can learn so much from what is unfamiliar to us if we risk being receptive.")

 

("Redbuds are one of the most splendid of trees for me, bringing me always back to where I grew up in the hills of Indiana, where dogwoods grew alongside, dotting the woods like polka dots of unexpected color for the precious weeks they bloomed. I am grateful that redbuds grow in KY, as well, and for the city workers who no longer attempt to clear our property edge that meets the gravel road leading to the hollow below— after 10 years of running out to greet the workers, arms waving wildly before the blades were to be lowered, we now have a lovely row of redbuds that border our property all the way down to the creek. This feels like magic to me, the simple act of leaving nature alone and letting it flourish in ways that bring beauty, shelter for the birds, and much needed shade on these pasture hills. Perhaps there is a lesson in there for letting parts of ourselves become who we are meant to be, even taking years in the making...")

 

("Awakening this morning to the palpable relief in our house that follows final productions of my boys’ plays... there is nothing quite like that freedom, knowing the day lays ahead, wide open, carried by the energy of having been part of a powerful whole that brought laughter, enjoyment, accomplishment, and joy to all involved. I could not be more proud of all the kids, and grateful for the hard work and dedication of all the parents involved, and for the supportive families who sustained us especially in this last 10 days of push! My heart is full as my body and mind are tired. Wishing the joy of liberation to all today!")

 

("The privilege of voice is an awareness very present for me lately—watching the kids use theirs so bravely in theater and finding mine to speak these simple reflections each day. A friend and I were talking about it, and she did not realize that I have not always been so vocal. Not at all. It has been a painstakingly slow progression that started with my work in social work, grew with trusted friends and family over decades, and has only very recently taken a risk into the more vulnerable public realm. It is not easy, but I think it is important that we speak what we have so say, if we feel so inclined. It is not about having any answers or special insights, but the act of sharing and connecting with others about our human experience. That is powerful in ways that I could not have anticipated, and profoundly healing. We all have rich life experience, stories, gifts to offer when we can slow down, inquire, gently listen... I am grateful beyond words for the gift of being able to speak up now, and for a supportive circle in which to share! Thank goodness we can offer each other support in this growing of ourselves...")

 

("The mind is a mysterious thing... if left to breathe, it will wander and place color, line, forms that are swirling around in our unconscious. “Portal” is the first word that came to mind when I finished this one, and I am left wandering which gateways are yet unexplored in my life... where I still need to go, where I still want to go. I feel deep gratitude for the privilege of having the freedom to not only ask, but explore, those questions. Wishing you the same permission to peek into your own mind and see what is waiting to be revealed to you...")

 

("Yesterday we were driving home from a day spent beautifully with friends in the woods, and drove by a terrible accident. The stark contrast of my experience with those receiving emergency support could not have been more different, and I immediately felt the preciousness of life. Today marks the 44th anniversary of my father, who left this world much too young and too quickly. Losing him taught my family not just that death can come at any time, but the importance of holding this awareness, embracing life as fully as we can every day we are lucky enough to see the sun rise. I am sitting outside as the sun is cresting the trees, listening to the birds sing. Gifts abound...")

 

("As may be obvious, I rarely work in black and white. Today, I decided to delve into the black paint pan, which has been beckoning for me to return to its rich depth of pigment, enabling immediate stark contrast when placed on the white paper. I loved working in ebony pencil when I first learned to draw, and for years after, yet veered into the land of color, intensifying over the years as I let myself be immersed in its vibrancy. I found a grounding soothing quality to the black paint, smiling at the ease of gradation created merely by water coming off my brush against these stark edges. I felt relief as the grays began to emerge... this did not surprise me, as I am a person who very much gravitates towards the grays, rather than extremes. The complexity of life reflects this concept profoundly, and is a daily topic of discussion with my boys, who continue to examine these polarities and all that lies between, themselves. I am grateful to be with them in their discernment, and to continue working on softening my own extremes when needed.")

 

("What is it that keeps living beings moving towards the light? There are countless stories in the news and in our own lives and nature that exemplify this resiliency over and over again, despite unthinkable circumstances. I am feeling gratitude this morning for the power of the spirit to overcome, and the drive to keep going. Wishing you all momentum and light where you need it most...")

Shadow Self /  by Hayden Michelle

As I have been using my watercolor circles for daily introspection, I have been confronting repeatedly how difficult it is to own all parts of myself.  This is not a new realization, but one that has been brought into my awareness in a myriad of ways over the years… sometimes with gentleness, sometimes, with a deeply painful familiarity.  And I wanted to explore this continuum of selves that I carry inside myself in a very direct way through sculpture, a different dimension of expression than watercolor, yet arising from within the same circle.

We all have many parts that make up our whole, formed from a lifetime of accumulating experience.  And I have expended untold amounts of energy and shame trying to keep the “less than desirable" ones at bay, hidden from the view of others, and perhaps most of all, myself.  It has taken years of dedication and ongoing work to realize that by not embracing the fullness of my complicated self, that I am not fully living.  

This means that I widen my view to continue examining where these difficult parts originated, and continue to be perpetuated... whether it comes out in my parenting, marriage, relationships with others, how I view myself…  all reflect back some very foundational beliefs about who I am, and give me opportunity to offer gratitude for those that are positive and life-affirming beliefs, and space to explore those that are toxic, taken in before I had the chance to develop them for myself from a place of fullness, self-acceptance, and loving-kindness. 

It is always curious to see how I can offer freely to others what does not necessarily come easily in the giving back to myself.  What a process this journey of evolving continues to be!  Creating this nautilus sculpture came about from a printing “mistake", where I thought I had printed a nautilus facing the same direction from both sides.  As I pondered about the interface of the 2 images, facing opposite direction, it occurred to me that this was the more accurate concept I am working with— the yin and yang of my inner self, the light and dark, and most importantly, the intersection that brings wholeness to being.

I chose to sew on glass beads at this delicate, yet strong, juncture, highlighting and honoring the light summoned to the bridge that is made between these two seemingly contrasting sides of myself.  I wanted a reminder that all parts of myself, and indeed, us all, are sacred... that every one of us carries many dualities within ourselves, all of which have opportunity for change and healing, when needed, and celebrating, as well.  I continue to be so grateful for artistic expression that brings contemplation and aspiration as I allow it to live in my space.  It is powerful-- this innate desire to bring the inward, outward.  My hope is that we can all find symbols which bring us opportunity for accepting the wholeness of our humanness, and to greet ourselves with the same compassion we offer each other.  

Circles (April 15-21, 2018) /  by Hayden Michelle

I am so happy to be sitting here in the sunshine that is coming through the window, with warmth on the way.  Today, I am brief, and will let the paintings and the words speak for themselves...

("Feeling full of love for our two boys, deeply aware of the gift of their lives, and all of the joy, adventure, teachings, laughter, and growth they bring to us every day. There are just not enough words...")

("How do we find strength and courage to go back down and pull out shards left behind long ago, awaiting their tender extraction? Wishing you all gentleness in this process, whether within yourself or in the witness and support of others in this midst... trust that there is relief when that new space is made, enabling healing and new growth.")

("Tired noggin this morning, and who knows what this is, lol... conjures up a mix of Jack and the Beanstalk and Dr. Seuss... perhaps we all could use some magic beans!

("Seeing violets come up each spring always makes me remember the joy of picking them for my mama on the way home from kindergarten, where they filled the big field I crossed. I soaked up the freedom of walking alone in this wide open space, abundant with beauty. I can distinctly recall the delight of them filling my small hands... one, thin, fragile stem at a time, the anticipation of giving them to my mother building with each step. She always acted so surprised (even though not an uncommon occurrence for this mother of 8), and placed them reverently in a small porcelain pitcher which had the face of a woman carved into it, a piece she had treasured since she was a girl of five, and which now sits on my shelf. This small ceremony of exchange taught me that simple things are potent in their meaning and can speak louder than words.")

("Yesterday I spent 8 hours at the base of these rocks, trying to capture through photograph the courage, patience, tenacity, fear, and triumph of each child who climbed, and each parent who either was on the other end of the tethered ropes, or standing breathlessly below, watching, waiting, and encouraging as their child got into harness, and inch by inch, made their way up these formidable and beautiful walls. I was moved to tears as I witnessed the pushing through of intense fear (children and parents!), and the basic sense of trust that was tested throughout... I am so grateful for our Red Oaks Forest School, and for Tina Ladeur Brouwer and Emily Ventura for sharing their expertise and joy of climbing through this amazing opportunity for our kids. So many diverse gifts come from being out in the middle of nature!")

("Last evening we had the privilege of attending the author reading and art/oral history exhibit, “Rooted Words: Kentucky Writers on the Land”, am amazing compilation of oral histories and watercolor portraits created by artist, author, and friend, Arwen Donahue. As we listened to music and poetry shared by a collective of the featured authors, I was absorbed into the palpable connection to their farms, woods, and homesteads— moved by the power of words to convey the most profoundly personal and universal of experiences. I felt gratitude that my oldest son and his friends had the chance to soak up the imagery, experience, and energy of the authors and artist, growing their appreciation for the incredibly deep well of talent in the room. It reminded me to seek out opportunities that broaden my children’s understanding and appreciation for the wealth of artists, writers and musicians that call Kentucky home, and to ground them further in the beauty of the land on which we live. My hope is that they will carry this sense of place inside themselves, no matter where they choose to land.")

("Like the asymmetric nature of paper left unattended while it dried, I chuckle at how this mirrors the delicate dance of relationship, whether it be with spouse, children, family, or friends... the challenge of discovering ways to support one another through individual movement that affects the rhythm of the whole, and to look beyond the warped edges that at times, just are...")

Thank you all for following alongside on this journey.  I wish you all peace and goodness on this beautiful day and the week ahead!