Friends, as I greet the new year with you, I have news that is quite vulnerable...
Read More"Follow the Yellow Brick Road" /
Hello, friends! I am here to share a mighty journey with you—where, you may ask?— to the Land of Oz!
For several years, I have followed the work of world-renowned art therapist Cornelia Elbrecht, founder of the Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy in Apollo Bay, Australia. I discovered her by falling down a rabbit hole on Amazon while searching for books on art and healing and promptly ordered two of her books, Healing Trauma Through Guided Drawing and Trauma Healing at the Clay Field. I signed up for her blog, devouring it as soon as it popped into my inbox every month, heartened and inspired by words and images that conveyed hope.
Even when I was too young to have the words for it, art brought comfort and a language to express myself. My favorite things to draw were flowers and grass, the sun and rainbows, animals, and a girl flying her kite. I vividly remember sitting at our dark wooden table downstairs as my crayon lines bumped over the pencil gouge marks in the wood beneath the paper, feeling a sense of calm wash over me as I was drawn into the rhythm of mark-making. The secret of creating had been unlocked in the most natural of ways.
This is accessible to us all, no matter the perceptions we hold of our creative abilities— after all, we possess an innate ability to use our hands for expression in a myriad of ways. What a relief that we do not have to be born with some special gene! We just need to show up and give ourselves permission to let our hands move…
(photographer unknown… I don’t happen to have any art made when I was this young, but loved drawing on our concrete porch :))
Cornelia’s powerhouse books stirred up great excitement and a deep hunger to learn more. Only months after receiving them, COVID struck, prompting ISAT to create online training for Initiatic Sensorimotor Art Therapy Certification— a direct response to the pandemic sweeping the world— and certainly, a creative labor of love to make it accessible to all. I dove in and graduated with the first cohort of individuals 💜. You can read more about this life-changing experience here.
(One example of many ways to work with energy and movement; afterward, pairing it with meaning to ground and reinforce the experience .)
After completing my certification 15 intensive months later, I began exploring in-person training (eek!) for the second level of Sensorimotor Art Therapy—Healing in the Clay Field. The decision to continue down the yellow brick road to Australia (a very long road from the hills of Kentucky!) was not made on a whim but after deep discernment about the amount of effort, resources, and funding it would take to travel there. My spouse, however, couldn't have been more encouraging from the get-go for me to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity— despite the fact that he would be holding down the fort with our boys, 3 dogs, and 3 cats for 3 entire weeks while still working full time (not for the faint of heart, and unlike anything remotely similar we had ever done! ❤️🙏)
I took the plunge, believing in my gut and heart that what lay ahead would be worth its weight in gold! (Words screenprinted on a T-shirt my brother gave me over 30 years ago popped into my head: “Leap like a lunatic over the chasm below— Your true self awaits you, now you will know”. Tis funny how appropriate words resurface when we most need them, even decades later!)
(This photograph shows the comfortable and familiar view of land below. Flying for 16 hours over the ocean in darkness was an experience remembered, rather than seen! Too bad I couldn’t sleep ;)).
Many snafus and 3 airplanes later, we crossed the equator as a hot pink line of a pre-dawn sunrise reflected onto cloudtops beyond my window, illuminating the distant sky as if in a dream. The plane quickly descended through ephemeral clouds and into heavy rain covering Melbourne International Airport, which awaited with lines snaking in so many directions that we throngs of exhausted, irritable, and confused travelers were (almost!) comical as we attempted to find the quickest way out of the maze to freedom.
Two and a half hours later, I triumphantly followed the final yellow arrows painted on the floor and strode through the last bit of customs and biosecurity into the lobby, free to explore and continue my adventure on Australian soil. I don’t know that I have ever been more excited to exit out into the downpour of rain!
When I finally arrived at my hotel and heaved my luggage into the dry foyer, I cheered with upstretched arms as the front desk clerks nervously glanced at each other and asked if they could help me, perhaps wondering if I was in the wrong place. I told them of my long journey from America, that it was my first time out of the States by myself, and of the training that lay ahead. After finally getting me checked in and holding my bags until late afternoon, they handed me a large umbrella and wished me well on my merry way back through the front doors.
I took off like a bat greeting newly darkened skies, flying down the street in search of coffee, haha, registering the fact that I had been awake for 35 hours by the time I landed and that I needed to stay up for another 11 before sleeping. Thankfully, that was not a problem, as Melbourne was a sight for sore eyes and the rich, dark coffee I slowly sipped was every bit as delicious and divine as the locals proudly said! (The chocolate purchased at the market next door didn’t hurt, either ;)).
(A few feet down the sidewalk, I whipped out my phone and began documenting my expedition.)
(I knew I was tired after standing in a sizable puddle, squinting to make out the word “electricity” below the reflective surface, and then rather than registering alarm, found it hilarious!)
As I dodged deep puddles of water, my eyes scanned the walkway ahead, widening in delight when they spied a huge white abstract sculpture collection farther down the wharf. I resisted the urge to run across the slick pavement, but was unable to contain my delight as I walked between and around them, studying and admiring while loudly exclaiming to myself. No one seemed to mind (or perhaps were just being polite).
(Sculptures photographed on a sunnier day ;)— do they bring a smile to your face or call out to you?)
Beyond these biomorphic figures, iridescent glass adorned the facades of the tall, curved buildings that stood at the water's edge, illuminating the wonderful sculptures that seemed to rise up out of the cement. (I could hear Dorothy say to her dear dog, “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”— and could feel it from head to toe, amazed by what I had seen just minutes into my exploration!)
As I turned onto the main road that led downtown, my ears tuned into the repeated clacking of trams arriving and departing, throngs of people speaking a multitude of languages as they bustled to and fro, against the sounds of busy sidewalks, markets, and restaurants in full swing in Melbourne’s city centre. It was exhilarating!
I made my way past the colorful construction zones painted with vibrant murals (made all the more interesting by their reflections), and strolled past poppy plants growing in small dirt piles on the periphery of these zones… (are they not LOVELY?)
I peered into hotel and bank lobbies with indigenous artists’ work covering entire walls,
(Note the flowers perfect pairing with the painting— attention to detail is so fun!)
…and walked into 2 different galleries in the matter of the first hour, engaging in meaningful conversation with incredibly welcoming and engaging docents.
I could sense the pride of this city and its diverse peoples, aware of deep respect for the Indigenous Australian Peoples forced off the very land beneath our feet. In every establishment, this was acknowledged on placards by the door, paying respect to elders past and present of whichever group lived in that specific location. I have never seen anything like this in establishments in the States, despite all of us inhabiting land that was taken from those before us. Seeing the truth out in plain daylight was refreshing and made me quite contemplative as I pondered the land back home where we live and play.
The next morning, I walked miles (haha—not quite grasping the directions the first time they were given by a local as they pointed in the direction of the museum;)) to the Ian Potter Centre in the National Gallery of Victoria/NGV, which exhibited artwork solely created by Australian artists. The entire first floor was dedicated to indigenous Peoples artists. It was incredible!
The natural materials, colors, forms, and patterns in every piece of artwork reflected a daily life and community built on connection and interdependence with the earth.
I soaked up each piece as I read story after story shared in artist statements, changed by what I read. What a privilege to view work steeped in tradition and deep commitment to family, land, and life.
(→PLEASE SCROLL DOWN A GOOD BIT IF WANTING TO AVOID SKELETAL ART.)
(Even the stairs were a work of art!)
As I headed upstairs to see the work of Australian artists, my eyes were shocked to land on these giants as I rounded the staircase.
I slowly walked over to the life-size skulls and took several deep breaths, unable to stop the quickening of my heart. When I turned around and looked through the doorway and into the spotlit display in the midst of darkness, my breath caught again.
Being confronted with mortality on this scale is hard to put into words. Each unique skull was hand-carved by artist Ron Mueck and lowered by crane into a precise location. They were massively confrontive, yet beautiful. If there was one thing I was here to do in AU, it was to experience life. Being reminded of the truth of impermanence made me soak up the opportunity and privilege all the more.
The next day I managed to figure out transport from tram to train station and from train to bus to car, meeting up with two participants in the training who kindly offered to give me a lift 3 hours south to Claerwen Retreat where we would train, lodge, and grow together.
(Stopping abruptly and almost being traipsed over by the rushing pedestrian following closely behind was worth capturing this cool slice of my walk.)
Finding my new mates was just about a miracle, as the bus/train station seemed to be located in the middle of fields, and I had to cross several parking lots, traverse stairs and cross a bridge over the trains to connect (dragging my super heavy luggage, loaded bag of groceries, and a backpack so full that it nearly tipped me backwards, lol)—such joy and relief to meet these smiling women and hop into their tiny jam-packed car. We gleefully headed southward and eventually through the Great Otways National Park to Apollo Bay, where the Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy awaited.
Friends, this is where the magic of my journey really begins, but I suspect that needs to wait for part two of this blog post! However, it is timely to say that traveling to the southern tip of AU brought me into contact with some of the most beautiful things I have seen and experienced in my lifetime. ✨✨✨
I knew that I would go home and create a body of work springing from these stunning natural inspirations and offer them as my new artwork release, aptly entitled, “AWE”.
awe
/ô/
noun
a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.
Because you support my art life with your interest and engagement, you will receive early access and special pricing for “AWE” for three days before I release it to the public on February 4th, when it resumes regular value.
Watch your inbox for the announcement for your early access and discount on Feb. 1
👁️🔎
Watch your inbox for the announcement for your early access and discount on Feb. 1 👁️🔎
~ If you receive my email newsletter, you will notice the same notification. Apologies for the duplicity, but I want to offer the special discount for all who support me—you are a very important part of my connections and art circle. THANK YOU!
Here is a sneak peak of the macro photography that became the foundation for some of the encaustic carvings and constructed pods to be released! I can’t say how many times the women I was with laughed and joined in my fascination as these bits of beauty met my eyes and filled my whole being with awe. May they transmit that reverential respect and wonder for you, too!
In a couple of weeks, PPart II of Follow the Yellow Brick Road will arrive in your inbox, picking up on my journey from the mountaintop of the Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy.
FOR NOW, SEE YOU IN A FEW DAYS with THE EARLY RELEASE of AWE and special pricing for 3 days!
✨ 😍 👐
FOR NOW, SEE YOU IN A FEW DAYS with THE EARLY RELEASE of AWE and special pricing for 3 days! ✨ 😍 👐
I continue to walk in gratitude alongside you beautiful beings as we connect over art and life. May we continue to help one another as we travel the yellow brick road.
Let me know what fills your heart with awe!
❤️, Michelle
(Are they not incredible?! I came out my back door to peek at the sunrise and found this small mob— I am not sure who was more surprised!!)
You Are the First to Know! /
(Apologies if you are coming to my blog for the first time. This one entry was filled with wonderfully descriptive images, but did not transfer over from the previous platform. If you would like to read and see the original entry, please email me at michellehaydenart@gmail.com and I will happily forward you the original! THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE :)).
You Are the First to Know!
As we begin 2022, I have BIG NEWS that I've been chomping at the bit to share with you...
(Soul collage card I made during training—fitting for spilling the beans now ;))
✨✨✨ I have completed training and am now certified in Initiatic Art Therapy from the Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy in Apollo Bay, Australia!! YIPPEE!!! ✨✨✨
(above image from www.instituteforsensorimotorarttherapy.com)
Beginning in August 2020, I "gathered" online with professionals around the world to learn under the expertise of renowned Founder and Director of the Institute for Sensorimotor Art Therapy, Cornelia Elbrecht, and senior faculty art therapist and co-leader, Chris Storm. We met “live” for a whopping 108 group hours over Zoom (a feat in, and of, itself, not to mention that much was during the night hours for we Northern Hemisphere folks! 😅).
Between each of the live 3-day modules that were interspersed over the course of 18 months, we engaged in intensive outside study and practice. Initially, I had no idea what initiatic sensorimotor art therapy was; I soon learned that it is its own unique form of art therapy—quite different from traditional art therapy, whose focus often is on creating representational images and talking about them as means for healing.
(Sensorimotor guided drawing, done with both hands simultaneously drawing the same “felt sense” shapes while my eyes are closed)
Describing the foundational differences, Cornelia describes her distinct process (paraphrased), developed over more than forty years of practice and extensive study with pioneers in several fields of art therapy and trauma study:
"Sensorimotor art therapy has emerged in recent years to describe body-focused psychotherapies that use a "bottom-up" approach-- encouraging an awareness of the implicit "felt sense" in the body: how the muscles and viscera, the heart-rate and breath shape our sense of being... With this heightened awareness of the embodied self, as we move and connect with the materials, we are also moved.
This sensory feedback is how we learned about ourselves and developed our relationship with the world. Love and safety, but also violence and abuse, are communicated through touch in this sensorimotor feedback loop. Early childhood experiences are embodied in this way and often, these memories can't be reached with words, as the part of the brain that expresses these things may have not yet been developed, or went "offline" during the trauma.
The purpose of the sensorimotor art therapy process is to create a safe and trusting environment so that when bodily-held memories are tapped into through movement, new sensorimotor experiences can communicate a felt sense of self-value, self-esteem, and self-empowerment" (C. Elbrecht).
(Soul card made during my own exploration time between training modules)
We can experience this implicit "felt sense" when we are still and tune into our bodies. As children, all of our experiences were imprinted on both physical and emotional levels as we grew and many of us learned to distance ourselves from this awareness for coping and survival. When we develop a sense of safety in the present, we can slowly reconnect with our bodies and access the innate healing abilities we all possess (Isn’t that hopeful?!❤️).
Allowing our hands and bodies to connect with art materials while giving ourselves permission to move as we contact paper and table, we directly tap into energy that is waiting to be expressed— creating new felt sense experiences that help to heal parts of ourselves that have been hurt.
In this way, sensorimotor art therapy is a very gentle and non-threatening approach for healing trauma of all kinds. The art therapist acts as a guide to witness, support, and encourage ways of exploring materials, and gently elicits and affirms the inner knowing that resides within the client. As a session nears its end, the client is encouraged to put their newly formed awareness into words on their drawings/paintings, solidifying and integrating the positive messages gleaned. This gives them something concrete to carry within as they go back out into the world.
I witnessed a particularly incredible transformation when viewing a filmed session with a new client. It contained very little verbalization, but the expression of many feelings as they were expressed on the woman’s face and in her movements as she made marks with crayon, pastel, and paint on paper, and even on her hands and arms as she fully connected with the paint. It is truly powerful what can happen when our minds and bodies are given nonverbal means, permission, and support to "speak" what has been held inside, even through a single experience!
(End of session drawing in which experience and emotion were transmitted onto my paper— the movements made to create many of the lines were those of empowerment, creating safety, and releasing)
Every exercise taught was practiced personally and deepened through small and large discussion groups, presentations, and oodles of outside content-rich reading, reinforced through testing, virtual meet-ups with other participants for processing and practice, and opportunities for individual work and supervision.
This hands-on holistic way of learning aligns with my history of using art to heal, which I implemented as a social worker and more personally, for my own healing for as long as I can remember. A vital resource for gaining insight into health issues that have emerged in the last 7 years, art helps me go beyond what Western medicine has been able to offer and to open to my own inner knowing. I have no doubt that sensorimotor art therapy will continue to deepen healing for me and for those with whom I will have the privilege to travel.
(Another end-of-session drawing of mine that is completely covered by painting and a few words to remember)
Discovering the intersection of neurobiology and sensorimotor art therapy blew the lid off of what I previously knew about the brain, trauma, and the healing arts (which I have been self-studying my whole adult life). My understanding exploded in all directions as I took in the material on cognitive, emotional, bodily, and spiritual levels, giving me more hope than any modality I have ever encountered—professionally or personally!
It has helped me explore inner work in places without words, offering a safe, gradual, powerful means of experiencing (small bits at a time), releasing, and creating new ways of seeing myself and moving forward. Odd as it may sound, I have felt immense joy and relief in connecting with deep parts of myself which have long been difficult to access and heal... what a gift!
(End of Hero’s Journey, when we created a mantra that embodies our process)
Having guides to accompany me has been invaluable; what I did not anticipate was being able to carry forward these exercises on my own-- whenever the want or need arises-- tis empowerment at its finest! Certainly, we can all benefit from having more tools in our back pockets (and hearts) to help us safely open, release, and transform what has caused us pain, freeing up that energy to more fully embrace life and new possibility. And to do so without needing to utter a word makes the process all the more nurturing and inviting… allowing the choice to arise from the client, whose self-determination is always at the root of the work.
Being offered diverse choices-- something that most have not experienced abundantly, strengthens the sense of self. From guided visualizations, to choice of colors and paints, whether to put fingers, hands, or brushes into paint, or to use pastels, crayons, or clay for mark-making,… to create collage, use natural materials and miniature animals to tell an old story or create a new one with a different ending-- every step of the way is chosen by the client. I could feel myself smiling ear to ear as I slowly opened to these simple, yet profound, permissions.
(Genogram exercise with clay, reflecting transformation and growth)
(Symbolic Animal Exercise… creating a story of safety, connection, and wisdom)
As each new exercise was introduced during the training, I could hardly contain my eagerness to personally explore and express before returning to the group to share and support one another in our vulnerabilities and strengths. Being witnessed in this work brought unexpected balm and growth.
(Stone meditation journey)
(Chakra meditation animal guides, each appearing with their own message)
(The Hero’s Journey, depicted with guides and natural materials)
Every single time a new tool or technique was learned and put into practice, powerful ripple effects would emerge over the days, weeks, and months that followed. And I am still changing! Healing is an accumulative process, after all, building upon the layers we have already worked hard to assimilate.
(An embodied emotion, as expressed through hand-torn colored paper)
As I enter into the next six months, I will be implementing sensorimotor art therapy work with specific individuals and groups, supported by a federal grant that I am honored and grateful to have just been awarded— the Kentucky Artist Rescue Grant Program was created to provide funding for artists affected by the COVID pandemic. Completing my training enabled the perfect opportunity to create a plan to utilize these skills and apply for the grant. It is a wonderful way to begin this new leg of my journey…
My goal is to offer individual and group work after the grant period, so please stay tuned for upcoming opportunities as they unfold. I am ecstatic to be able to continue growing my healing work practice alongside my art practice, my mission from the time I left social work to stay home and raise my children. When I decided ten years ago to build my art career and find a way to use it for healing, I could not have imagined a more beautiful way to do so. What a privilege! I hope you will join me as I continue to blend this new branch that integrates many good things into one.
(Mandala exercise after a transformative embodying experience— this is 24 x 36” and I still ran out of room!)
As I wrap up this attempt to capture the full essence of what I have learned, I want to thank Cornelia Elbrecht and Chris Storm from the bottom of my heart. They bravely stepped into creating this world-class intensive online training in response to the pandemic and showed up (in every sense of the word) as we students from around the world gathered from all time zones to learn and support one another through this challenging and amazing modality— no small thing when it was both hands-on and technically-dependent at the same time! Cornelia and Chris showed tenacity as they shared their compassion, expertise, patience (with tech!), sensitivity, and courage when sharing their experience with us and carefully monitoring the well-being and boundaries of the group dynamics. The team of assistants certified in Intiatic Art Therapy were wonderfully engaged and supportive, wise, and skilled, as they widened the circle of care and learning.
I am grateful for the relationships that developed with the other trainees as we shared ourselves and learned from each other, holding space for one another as we explored tender histories and new beginnings. I will carry each of them with me as I continue using these beautiful teachings. Special thanks for Jono, the tech guru who managed six modules worth of large groups, seamlessly managed break-out rooms, and did all of the filming and formatting of the training videos. My head swims when I think of the amount of work and commitment that was poured into this offering by all involved—truly a labor of love. As I have said to many since the training began, I am convinced that this will change the way the world deals with trauma. Let us ripple it out! 🌊💗🌏
I am excited to begin this new and hopeful adventure with you. Watch for announcements in my email newsletter for upcoming topics and dates (either message me or follow this link for sign-up). As we move forward together, I welcome your questions and feedback… I would love to hear your thoughts and connect with you!
Love, Michelle ❤️
(Soul card created on my own, towards the completion of the training course)
"And Yet..." (brand new sculpture) /
“And Yet…” (36 x 36 x 8 in), encaustic mixed media
Responding to a juried call for encaustic and cold wax artwork for the exhibition, “reBUILDING”, by Atlantic Gallery in NYC, I responded to the question as to how, “creativity prevails as we weather the ongoing storm” (of Covid). I was drawn to explore our land for raw materials that would provide a symbolic framework for my encaustic sculpture. Having already spent over a year sheltering in place and walking these hills—deliberately and contemplatively— I hiked as a daily practice for staying grounded and connected to the healing power of nature, which enacts the cycle of life every single day through every kind of weather, from the extremes of brutal to beautiful…
I walked down to the bottomland in search of weathered wood whose outer layers had been worn away by the force of rushing waters as the docile creek bed grew into a torrent of gushing rainwater collected from the surrounding hills, that rose until it went over the banks of the bottomland fields, taking trees and roots with it. As that cycle had just repeated days before (with 6 inches of rain in a single day and several flood waters since Spring), a tall heap of debris was discovered on a rocky lump of grass in the center of the creek that had been left behind when the waters receded. I sat and breathed in the fresh air as I soaked up the energy of this changed space, grateful to have access to nature so close to our home. When my heart rate had slowed from the walk, I began sorting through the tangled wood, leaving those whose inhabitants remained in hidden crevices and extracted only the limbs long devoid of living creatures. Over the still-rushing waters, they seemed to call out for new energy to be breathed into the grain, worn smooth by years of water’s movement, force, and flow.
My collection pile grew as the sun moved overhead and before I knew it, I had reached the limit of what my large IKEA shopping bag would hold. As my eyes wearily eyed the sizable pile, I laughed at the abundance of raw material and the accompanying awareness of the obvious task of getting the large water-logged pile back up the hill. Perhaps not longer than a half mile by the gravel road, it felt much longer as I heaved the weighty awkward bag onto my shoulders and began trekking up towards home. My heart rate did not disappoint, nor did my body’s efforts, as I transferred my load back and forth to each side of my body as I sweatily made my way up the gravel road that lay before me (“Just follow the yellow brick road” did ring in my ears :)).
As I became aware that my mind was beginning to resist finishing the task and just using my encaustic sculpture, alone, I recalled the many many afternoons of walking up this very hill with the boys as wee ones, Ian on my back in the wrap or carrier and Eli trudging up it in his own sweet time, often vacillating back and forth from fighting pretend dragons and knights to declaring that he just could not take another step and that would not be going anywhere.
Inevitably, we stopped many a time as I worked to channel their attention by looking for shapes in rocks and bark and clouds and offered water and snack remnants (until even the last bits were gone) as I encouragingly said that we were getting closer and closer to the top of the hill.
When Ian was able to walk on his own two feet, the trips uphill extended in length of time— paused as a result of his insatiable desire to pick up rock after rock and throw them, one at a time, pleased with his accomplishments (and rightly so!) and content as can be, despite his brother’s irritated report that his brother had already done that and it was time to go home. The strategy held out for the hardest push to continue was always the offering of an extra long game of, “Mother, May I?”, that I would save for this final leg of the journey.
Fond memories of watching the boys take hops, scissor-steps, baby steps, giant steps (my favorite, haha), and forward + backward steps, until I said, “Stop” (which was always quite a generous way up the hill ;)), now brought relief to my aching tired self as I inched up the hill, smiling as I remembered that the true prize for the game was reaching home before total meltdown ensued, followed by their nice long nap.
(How I miss these tender days… the boys are now 14 and 17 years old!)
As I finished up the last bit of my solo mission with their echoes of sweet play in my heart, I felt such gratitude for those experiences and for the workout for my mind in finding ways to keep going when I wanted to ditch the sticks. (My prize this time was letting my imagination start wondering what these branches would become.) When I made it to the beginning of paved road that meets our driveway, I elatedly dropped the loaded bag to the ground and took out my treasures (after guzzling about a gallon of water), scrubbing the branches down with brush and hose and laying them out in the sunshine. I then realized that they needed the hottest and driest surface available to get all of the moisture to fully evaporate…
Onto my waiting car sitting in the blistering hot sun they went, a lovely collection of curated beauties. I chuckled to myself as I realized that strangers driving by would wonder what in the world we were doing (this time), while my eyes saw them as works of art, each with their own story.
After drying, the real work began— that of composing the underlying structure of the concept seen in my mind and felt in my body. I knew that I wanted to convey the chaos and disarray that COVID so suddenly brought into the world and expressed this through a jumbled mass of sticks that had been tossed about by the flood waters, unable to remain rooted to their original place. In this reconfiguration, branches and root bits were connected and intertwined, each dependent on the other for support, despite never having been together.
I thought of the many macro and micro responses that so urgently had to emerge as the world was being upended; every single one of us had to rely on others in some way or another, in order to adjust to this devastating time and new way of being in the world. It did not take long to realize the countless number of heroes that were (and are) among us, each honorable in their own selfless way. Each of us has an ongoing opportunity to be part of changing the direction of this horrible pandemic that has taken so many lives and brought perspective that comes only by living through challenging experiences in life.
It was important for me to show this interdependence through the wood as one braced against the other or provided support for a limb, above. Inch, by inch, upward momentum grew. A ladder form materialized— a way to move forward, even in the midst of such incredible loss of human life and the lack of control over the everyday moments we are so accustomed to having (if we are fortunate)…. My spirits lifted as I watched the ladder extend off of the edge into unknown territory, hoping it would be better than what had already been traversed.
I first attached one piece to the next through sewing (yes, you read that right) and realized (after completing the entire framework of branches) that there was no way that would be guaranteed to stay integrated as a solid piece, as this number of branches had more accumulative weight than I had assembled, previously.
After a few big groans and exhales (which maybe even the neighbors heard!) and downing the last of the gummy bears, I drove into town to the hardware store and bought all kinds of screws. Coming back home and beginning again, I realized that this is the life we live— day at a time, even moment at a time, working until whatever it is we are doing does not work anymore. We have all had innumerable experiences of taking a breath and starting over, ready, or not.
That is what perseverance and the struggle for survival is about, right? We are resilient human beings and certainly, experiencing even a hint of this through making art pales so profoundly, compared to those out in the active field of COVID, coping day after day with influx of newly infected people and loss after loss, with no reprieve. I held gratitude for the breaths taken during the labor of construction and sent them out with good intentions for all those working so hard to save people, serve people, and grieve for people, both beloved and unknown.
Just as every number in the daily news holds the name of a person behind it, every pod in this piece represents lives across the globe that love, work, play and are precious to others, making a difference with their place in this world while trying to remain connected with one another through intense separation.
(fifty-three pods were created to be incorporated into the wooden structure, numbered for my sanity for placement back into the original composition)
The photographs creating the pods on the lower part of the sculpture were taken during the winter months of 2020 and into 2021— macro shots of frozen thistle, budding branches encased in a surreal large globe of ice, a pile of dried zinnia petals that radiated energy as I collected their seeds for this year’s garden.
The pods cradle small encaustic orbs covered with pigmented wax droplets, signifying the multitude of people deeply and complicatedly grieved by those who cared for and loved them, family and strangers who became family, alike.
As the pods find their way up the wooden framework, they begin their metamorphosis into leaves, seeking out the light that remains an ever-present force, even in the darkest of times. The macro photographs used as foundation for these leaves came from a nearby arboretum in early spring, cherry tree blossoms from our garden against a brilliant blue sky, and a glowing forsythia bush that connects to powerful childhood memories of learning to ride my bike. Working on this part of the sculpture reenergized me and elicited feelings of determination, compassion, resilience, gratitude, and hopefulness— emotions we all experience throughout our lives and which we can hold for others when they are overwhelmed and consumed by grief, survival, and the utter depletion that comes from caring for others.
If there is one thing that this pandemic is offering, it is endless opportunity to deepen our sense of compassion and extend that love for one another in any way possible. That is the positive part— the witness of people coming together in untold ways to sacrifice for the welfare and wellbeing of others.
Certainly, there continues to be an incredibly disappointing side of human nature that is more self-focused, but my intention in this space is to speak for those working hard to protect, serve, and courageously continue on the front lines, whether through job or direct care by family or friends for those who have contracted the virus or are grieving their losses, or are just struggling to provide for their families. Acknowledging the truth of the division, however, is part of the whole picture, and one in which we are all reckoning as we continue facing this virus and variants.
Our family has had countless conversations as my teen boys have spent the last 17 months at home, separated from friends and experiences typical for this time in their lives. We have been fortunate as can be to have the choice to stay home in an environment that is safe, although especially lonely for them, and to now have had access to vaccines. Watching them cope with this isolation and to be creative in ways to counteract this has been both heartening and deeply painful, reinforcing the fact that none of us can get this time back, while also acknowledging the gift of time spent both together and alone, strengthening connections with each other while also diving deep into inner work on ourselves.
Watching each of the boys use this time to explore their interests and develop their talents, connections, and introspective natures has been a meaningful part of this period in our lives. We will all certainly carry with us the knowledge of what it feels like to be stopped in our tracks to deal with a threat to our very existence and I can only hope that it will continue to move us to be more mindful, grateful, and giving than we previously could imagine. May we carry one another, as needed, as we continue to make it through to the other side of this pandemic and move forward in caring for our Earth. This sentiment is reflected in the title, “And Yet”— that the beauty of spring comes even in the midst of the darkest times.
I send my best to each of you, here, and thank you for reading this very long blog entry. There is much to share about what has transpired over this pandemic and continues to unfold. I hold space for all of you and hope you are surrounded by light and love and support, always.
"CHANGE in our hands" SOON TO BE IN YOURS! /
YOU get to be in on the pre-release in 6 days! (if you are reading this as a blog or email newsletter subscriber— it’s not too late to sign up and get in on the early release!)
Hello, faithful friends! I am here to let you know that my new collection of small sculptural works will soon be released! Because some of you may not have had a chance to sign up (separate from this blog) for my email newsletter/studio updates, I wanted to include you in this special announcement (and if you do want to be included in future offerings that will come solely through that avenue, just click on the above link— thanks!). Here’s the scoop—
Watch your inboxes this coming Saturday, November 28, as I celebrate SMALL BUSINESS SATURDAY with a private launching for you, as your love and interest deeply nourishes and supports me in my artistic journey. You will get the pre-release 2 days before the public and an additional 15% discount off any purchase as an expression of my thanks. I will be sharing more details on Saturday, so all you need to do, now, is mark your calendar and get ready to dive in— I can’t wait to fully reveal what has been on my work table and in my hands for many months! And just a reminder— this is a virtual release, only, and you will be directed to the entire collection, online. The release on social media will not be until Monday, November 30. If you have any questions ahead of time, just reach out and let me know :). The count-down is ON! Woo hoo!!
Because some of you may not be on social media, I wanted to share a brief description of the series and my posts from this past week, each sharing a bit of the essence that has gone into the creation of this special collection.
“CHANGE in our hands” ARTIST STATEMENT—
"Change comes in life, as surely as the color of leaves as we transition into fall, though not nearly as predictable and certainly, not always as joy-filled as the welcome radiance of our trees. While immersed in a season that brings challenge across the globe, how do we cope? We may find inspiration in the leaves, whose truth and inner color are revealed as they hold on, sustained by nutrients from deep roots and fueled by stored energy from the sun until they are ready to experience the gentle float down to the forest floor, where they renew the cycle of life. The example of the leaves offers a way… to find inner strength to face our fears, allow ourselves to accept our human vulnerability and continue to cultivate courage to strengthen compassion for each other and for ourselves as we strive to heal our precious Earth and its inhabitants. When we recognize the power to change what is in our own hands, we embody our hearts, holding the all-encompassing range that exists between beauty and loss, with our hope and life force at the center. These sojourners empower to carry our light into the world, one leaf at a time.”
Day 1: BEYOND WHAT IS FIRST SEEN
“In the midst of creating last year’s, “Metamorphosis” collection, I was squirreling away photographs of colorful and intricately-textured leaves that blanketed the beloved hills of Kentucky, holding gleeful quiet knowledge that they would transcend to new life when this autumn rolled around. Little did I know that a deeper meaning would be carried in these leaves from having experienced the profound change that continues to challenge us in this unforeseen time. Sustained by holding them in my mind’s eye for many long months as they percolated and gathered renewed energy, I felt sacred privilege to reimagine their inherent beauty in my hands. As with all of my art, I wonder what meaning and emotions they will evoke for you?”
DAY 2: DIVE INTO THE UNEXPECTED AND SEE WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
“Once I got all my leaves photographed and edited, I studied and chose carefully, paying attention to areas of illuminated color, shape, texture, and line that captured my curiosity. Watching each emerge inch-by-inch from the printer, I could feel my excitement build as my stack grew from one to twenty leaves. Waxing them initially brought the color even more alive, only to be quickly clouded over, as layer after layer of beeswax medium obscured their beguiling details. When I cut out their basic outlines and began to excavate the patterns which lay hidden below the surface, I took delight in searching for the vague bits, still visible— but even more so, in carving my own sense of rhythm, intrigue, and space into these natural forms. Applying layers of powdered pigment onto the wax, observing the accumulation on carved ridges and valleys, my spirits were filled with delight as my hands eagerly began sculpting them into form, unexplored, in real life. Creating art that grows from the depths of natural beauty really is sacred privilege”.
DAY 3: WE ARE PART OF THE WHOLE… EACH OF US, LIGHT-FILLED LEAVES
“As the carving and sculpting of these individual leaves continued, I reflected on the many branches of connection that exists between the leaves. Although from different species of trees, they are all connected to their roots and nourished by the same sun and rain as every other leaf. Each had its part in creating a canopy of shade offered by the trees, singing unique notes in the orchestrated rustling in the wind. As autumn arrived, the glorious range of color was left in the leaves as the green drained away, each hue contributing to the painted canvases that dotted hillsides, fields, mountains and city streets and filled us with their beauty. I am fascinated by the parallel between the leaves and other living beings that are filled with light that sustains. My hope is that these leaf sculptures will reflect the ability to shine as we bring our unique light to this world.”
DAY 4: COLOR HOLDS MAGIC… AND ALLOWS US TO RETURN… TO CHILDLIKE WONDER
“I can distinctly remember searching earnestly for fallen leaves and holding them up to the light, turning them into stained-glass windows that mesmerized me with their illuminated glow as I gently held their stem between my small thumb and forefinger. Often, I would hold my breath, as if doing so might freeze this moment of magic…. How I love that the glorious display of color that resides in nature continues to be present our entire lives. When I make the time to seek, again, I am filled with the same awe and gratitude. Creating these leaf sculptures extended that experience for me, enabling me to capture this pause in the swift cycle of life so that I may continue to contemplate its splendor and meaning.”
DAY 5: HOW DO WE GROW THROUGH CHANGE? WE CARVE ONE LINE AT A TIME.
”The answer to this pervasive question may sound simple, but in practice it is quite challenging. All too familiar, has been the plowing full-steam ahead while figuring next steps mid-stride. These unprecedented times have called for abrupt changes in our lives, disrupting the familiarity of routine, contact with loved ones, and goals which previously proceeded without question— all blown off course as swiftly as leaves from branches during a storm. We still are resetting the moments in our lives— big and small— adapting every day to outside circumstances which necessitate change. As I took the plunge into transforming this large batch of wax-laden leaves into new beings, I told myself I needed to start with just one line, carving as quickly or slowly into each consecutive inch of wax until each was inscribed, end-to-end. Practicing trust in the flow helped me to find new rhythms in the pattern of lines, just as new ways of connecting and engaging as safely as possible in this strange new world have evolved.
Holding space for the truth of tremendous loss, struggle and pain so widely experienced, moments of beauty and compassion are all the more needed to sustain. While creating this collection, positive intention was poured into each line for all who are suffering and all who need respite and soft soothing offered through connection with nature. My wish is that these leaves transmit the energy of encouragement, validation, healing and hope as our journey continues.”
PEACE TO YOU, ALL, AND MUCH GRATITUDE FOR THE LIGHT YOU BRING TO MY LIFE AND INTO THIS WORLD. I WISH YOU SAFETY, GOOD HEALTHY, AND MUCH LOVE AS WE ENTER THIS SEASON OF HOLIDAYS…
LOVE, MICHELLE ❤️❤️❤️
Coloring Our World with Love and Light /
“You Bring Light and Love to the World”, (11 x 29 x 3 in ), encaustic mixed media, 2020
Made to honor my brother and his husband for their role in my life and that of many others, this sculpture reflects the vibrance, courage, and tenacity they have shown over the past 27 years as they have worked for fairness and equality for the LGBTQ community, in both their workplace and within their own community. Enlivened by their zest and love for life and adventure, which spreads beyond their own relationship, they have continued to break through barriers that have remained in our society for far too long.
Bart (brother-in-law, left) and Pete (brother, right)…
Throughout the decades spent together, they have committed to speaking up for the rights of others. Dedicating to years of intensive teamwork within a comprehensive task force in their shared workplace, they were directly involved in the procurement of domestic partner benefits for all employees in their business. I have been proud and privileged to witness this sense of courage, responsibility and commitment that has been generously extended to bring justice, compassion and equal rights for many, grateful that my young sons have grown up with these empowered role model uncles in their lives.
(When we were young! This is almost 3 decades, ago, and I was fresh out of social work school!)
They have quietly supported me and taught, by example, the power of acceptance (both self and others) and much, about love. Most recently, my brother-in-law accompanied me on my journey to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota this past January— a selfless offering, to say the least, as he endured 10 days that included major travel snafus and dozens of hours-long appointments (in many different buildings on a 3 mile campus!) during the coldest month of the year, while my beloved spouse and boys stayed home and carried on with lessons, work, and animal care, and my brother tended to work and care for their feline crew, creating a network of support across the miles. I benefited, immensely, from Bart’s upbeat energy and his willingness to keep positive perspective, which helped us, both, transform the many unexpected “adventures” (eventually) into good stories!
When stress gives way to delirious laughter and festive lights, all is well… (can’t recall which airport this was! (d/t zooming to the east coast to fly back, west, totaling 3 flights after direct flight was cancelled while waiting to board plane, extending our trip, there, by 12 hours, haha).
(Bart was (understandably!) proud of the binder he made to hold the ever-changing schedule of appointments, maps, notes, etc)— He helped me navigate so that I could focus on getting through :))..
I could not be more proud of them and grateful for all they have shared with me, beginning way back when I was first out of college and commuted to my hometown/city for work, staying with them during part of every week and sinking into evenings filled with connection, good food, nurturance, and of course, FUN! I could not be more thankful for their place in my life and in the world.
(27 years ago as we took a break from tree-trimming to model tinsel” wigs”, haha…)
This sculpture originated with macro photography of found butterfly and moth wings, some of which generously came from a many-decades-old collection from my oldest nature-loving brother, Greg. I was honored to be able to extend the life of these creatures, many of whome had wings that, sadly, became part of the food cycle for other insects while in storage.
Several were further interpreted with playful and exuberant coloring after they were printed onto textile, layered with wax, carved, cut, and shaped to form before coming together in a cloud of wings— one supporting the next, until they broke out of the bars (and during installation, in which I about lost my mind, haha, not realizing how challenging it would be to get a drill into those odd angles and tight spaces! Being an artist and having the ability to visualize in one’s mind does not always translate to being able to do that thing, in reality!!).
The wooden pieces came from an antique couch that had once been filled with straw and horse hair (and a black and white photograph of a woman sitting on that very couch!), wood long-since dilapidated and weathered from years of rain. I could not bear to burn the interesting fragments, wondering about all the conversations that were had on the cushions that lined the sturdy wooden hand-made frame… so many lives embodied in the items that live in our homes!
Pausing during yard work to create a bit of rustic composition— could not resist! ;)…
Recombining these remnants, whose original purpose was to provide rest and relaxation into space which refused to be complacent or contained, transforming the gaps between the curves and bars into space made sacred by the joining in solidarity for liberation and basic rights— an arena where working for the greater good to create momentum that would release them, all, made their pause in flight, worth the effort. As they make their way to my home state of Indiana to live with Pete and Bart, I hope the vibrant spectrum of freed wings will convey the privilege and gratitude that I feel in being part of their lives, providing further affirmation to fuel them as they continue bringing light and color to our world.
Thank you for sharing along in this piece of my journey… I am holding space for all as we continue to weather this challenging time of quarantine. I hope that you are all finding ways to stay well, connected, and filled with love and light, yourselves.
Last bit of color from Asters that grew on our bottomland… unexpected bright beauty!
👆👆👆 This blog space is where I am sharing my artwork and the back-stories and processes that bring them to fruition. ****** If you are interested in keeping in the loop about my art career happenings 📣(exhibits, announcements about new bodies of work, and special offerings, please make sure to 👉SIGN UP FOR MY “EMAIL NEWSLETTER”! ******* All you need to do is type, “Yes”, in comments, below (or follow this link, if you prefer to sign up, yourself) and I will be sure to add you to my list!
I have a brand new vibrant collection of small works coming out at the end of this month and will announce it via the newsletter, so PLEASE sign up in order to be in on it— I value your engagement and support and don’t want you to miss you— you have all been my first supporters, long before I started the email newsletter— I APPRECIATE YOU!! 🙌 🥰 ✨ Thank you!
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Ooh— sneak peak of the CHANGE collection that will continue to change into form as it is sculpted into shape 😍— sign up for newsletter to be ready for their release! 🙌
A Time of Change... /
As we leave a month that brought shocking witness to the horrific and inhumane death of George Floyd, a rippling and sobering reality settled into our minds-- yet another black life violently taken through abuse of power by white hands, shining glaring light on the hatred and racism that continues to persist. In the days and weeks since, as protests across our nation and globe have risen up and grown into an undeniably powerful presence, protests calling for justice in Breanna Taylor's death arose in my own state of KY. We have all been called to action in this delayed awakening-- many of us (especially those beneath white skin) moving out of our own protected place of privilege to examine our implicit involvement in perpetuating racism through silence and lack of action for change that has called for far too long. I am heartened to see and hear many deep conversations and examinations of how to begin-- starting with myself, children, spouse and community.
Putting paintbrush to paper to express the outrage and overwhelm that comes in waves, each color represents the beauty of countless black lives lost, expressing in pigment what is impossible to capture in words. We know there is a ripple effect in both violence and peace which shapes our children as they grow into the teens and adults who will inhabit the world we have created. We must do radically better, for them and for all who have sacrificed and suffered, already....
The circle, below, was painted a week before the hate crime that took George Floyd's life, as expression of the ongoing growing pandemic. As I now look on it, I see the wider context of unrest, unlearning, and unity that is growing as we mobilize to create a more equal and just world, facing the encompassing darkness in our nation's history that is only beginning to be acknowledged, yet alone, repaired. But there is light, emerging...
Observing an impending storm the other night, which seemed to reflect the powerful worldwide uprising, my feet were planted firmly to the ground as my heart jumped with every rumble of thunder that traveled up through the soles of my feet, connecting me to the energy between earth and sky.
As lightning illuminated everything before me, I felt the vast power of nature to abruptly bring change, clinging to hope that even a momentarily brightened pink sky was a sign of lasting goodness to come in the midst of all the darkness...
As our states are opening back up and we anxiously watch the daily numbers of new COVID-19 infections and loss of life, my family continues to shelter at home as I work in our garden and through my art, reflecting and planning on how to best educate myself and work towards positive impact on the many layers of racism in our society
(Toe-stubbing stones of all heights (continuing to follow the, “use what you have” during this time of pandemic), which will lay beneath the salvaged porch swing, a reminder of the importance of remaining connected to our hearts, in the center)
(Enjoying the ease of creating perfect harmony of color as I water the morning seedlings… simple pleasures!)
As my #artistsupportpledge of encaustic offerings wrapped up with the sale of two more wings, I am so happy to say that their sale enabled me to reach my second goal and pay it forward to another artist in the pledge-- I am immensely grateful for the support and encouragement that brought this joy about!
Committed to choose work of an artist new to me, I discovered Lisa Ellul, who creates stunning porcelain ceramics, one gorgeous work of hers which now sits on the small desk where I sit in silence with my morning coffee and reflection. I was initially drawn to this bowl because I thought the imprints were moth wings emerging out of the creases of clay (welcome to trifocals), but l loved it even more when I realized they were sage leave impressions, holes piercing and allowing light and air to pass through... Check out her work-- you will soak it up as I did, I predict! One of the most special things about this pledge has been the forging of bonds with new collectors and the connections to a whole new world of artists brought about through this initiative....
(Stunning and beautiful artistry by Lisa Ellul…)
And speaking of friends, as the end of May opened into June, my dear artist friend, Heidi, was diagnosed with breast cancer, undergoing a double mastectomy, Monday, with only days to prepare. I'm excited to be holding a RAFFLE of one of my favorite joy-filled encaustic carving pieces,"What Does It Mean to Move?" (13 x 19 x 2.5 in), recessed in a beautiful custom-made birch frame, wired and ready to hang.... Created as my own health changes emerged while my mother was pared down to her core self, emanating her goodness and love despite profound changes, I carried her energy and that of other beloveds in my life who were quietly powerful as they faced health challenges, inspiring me with no awareness of their enormous gifts. “What Does It Mean to Move”” embodies that inner capacity to deepen ourselves while being confronted by that which presents on our paths, honoring the many cycles of emotion and effort required to keep moving, literally, or metaphorically-- uplifted by those who offer love that nourishes and sustains these immense efforts.
This encaustic piece began with a foundational macro photograph of handmade art glass. Just as glass is made from solid crystals that become fluid when heated, forming an unknown composition of color until cooled and guided by the hand of the artist— this hope for choice in how we move in our lives was embedded into each carved line of wax, vibrantly and interpretatively colored with powdered pigment— one of my favorite parts of the process! Buying tickets for a chance to bring this radiant work into your home is also a great way to share concrete support to my friend and her family, ticket by ticket!
“What Does It Mean to Move?” (13 x 19 x 2.5 in, framed)
(detail)
(detail of fine carving and interpretative coloration)
How to purchase tickets? Easy— purchase through Paypal or Venmo (michellehaydenartist@gmail.com): (message me if you do not have access to these services):
$10= 1 ticket ************* $25= 3 tickets ****************** $50= 8 tickets*****************
This work is valued at $700 (including tax and shipping, covered by me :)). All proceeds will go to Heidi--let’s raise an offering that will ease a bit of the burden that is now on their plate... every ticket helps! LET’S GO!! The drawing will be on June 15, 2020, one week out from her surgery, and the winner will be notified by email. Thank you, in advance, for contributing, whether through tickets, positive energy or any prayer that speaks from your heart.
As we all move forward through these times, let us come together to do so with empowerment and education, working in ways that bring change that is long overdue….
WHEN LIGHT COMES /
I do not often speak about my health issues here, but decided to share some powerfully positive news after returning from the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, following a six month wait to be seen. Some of you may recall me writing about my health a few years back, having been diagnosed with MS after the eclipse in 2017. Since then, I have had ongoing neurological issues that extended to include autonomic dysfunction, discovered only recently after the accident with the horse and fence post last spring (I have offered gratitude to that horse many a day as I drive by him, the accident treatment having brought these issues to light!). Several neurologists and other specialists have seen me since 2016 and years of testing followed, alongside growing uncertainty about the MS diagnosis and increasingly worrisome low and high blood pressures and black-outs that have been interfering with my life. I was more than ready to be evaluated at Mayo and learn what has been happening to me and how to heal it!
“When What You Need Is Light”
I went through 8 days of testing and consultations and was seen by multiple specialists, all of whom ordered a cascade of tests in their area of expertise and communicated with each other and back to me through an electronic chart, including all test results (actual radiological imaging, included!), usually within hours or by the end of the day. If one doctor needed certain testing, the staff would rearrange the rest of the appointments to accommodate, much like a big board game... If some specialties did not have available appointments during my scheduled time at Mayo, I was able to sit and wait during an open slot in case of cancellation (and did luck out and get in with rheumatology this way— felt like I had just been called as the next contestant on “The Price is Right”, unexpectedly jumping up and loudly exclaiming when they called my name after 3 hours of waiting!).
“Tell What You Know and Help Will Come”
I can’t begin to express how different this approach is to any care I have ever heard of or received. Mayo is a well-oiled machine, moving smoothly and efficiently with compassion, teamwork (they worked behind the scenes, collaborating on my case), expertise, and a holistic focus on the patient and family. And in case that was not enough to cheer about, the environment in every building I was in (tis a 3 mile campus) was one filled with light and stunning artwork from around the world that lined the hallways, elevator waiting areas, foyer ceilings, and waiting rooms. It literally felt like visiting an extensive art museum and provided wonderfully welcome reprieve as patients and families got lost in the stunning beauty and details. There was stained glass, ceramic, textile, paintings, lithograph, sculpture, murals, mobiles, woodwork, drawings, installations that were floor to ceiling— seeing these works and reading about the artists was one of the best parts of my time there, all set to either softly playing recorded music or live music on one of the many grand pianos. They certainly know about creating an environment of healing! This soothing atmosphere countered some of the crazy pace necessary to make it to well over 30 appointments…
The most amazing part of the trip, though, was gaining an understanding about what has been going on in my body and how to begin treating and healing it. I was beyond thrilled to hear that I do not have multiple sclerosis or a life-threatening condition that the docs here told me I had! I can continue driving and we do not have to leave our land and move near a hospital for accessiblity— exclamations of joy and deep sighs of release from these hills! I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders and can’t begin to put into words the immense relief I feel and the hope for improvement in my symptoms as I gradually implement the interventions. I won’t go into detail about the details (lucky you, haha), but do want to share about one of the diagnosis most associated with my neurological issues, as I had never heard of it-- not even from the four neurologists that had previously worked with me, despite it (unknowingly) affecting many people...
“A Path Emerges”
“Central Sensitization Syndrome” is the condition responsible for the growing cascade of symptoms that have done a number on my body, head to toe. It is a relatively newly-studied syndrome (and the umbrella over fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, POTS, TMJ, and a variety of other conditions, as shown, below) and there is much research being done on how to best treat it, adding to what they already know is effective. It comes about from a variety of stressors on the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord)— trauma, stress, illness, genetic predispositions, surgery… the body’s natural response to these stressors triggers the sympathetic system to go into high gear in attempt to cope/survive, but is then unable to turn back off. The parasympathetic system gets fatigued as it tries to counter the fight/flight/freeze response and a vicious loop is created. The entire central nervous system gets sensitized and rewires itself and eventually, the pain neurons involved in the original trauma take over the sensory and motor neurons in the body (including the peripheral nerves that stem from the central nervous system), spreading out from the site of the original stressors and causing a wide variety of symptoms that can be quite debilitating.
It was important for me to learn through the provided training that the central nervous system can literally be slowly rewired and to know that this healing can come from diligent work to enable this restructuring. The human body and mind are capable of so much more than we can imagine! I am thrilled to have some new medicines to help with some aspects and many non-drug interventions, as well... Strengthening cardiovascular functioning, core strength and vagal nerve function are three of the best things we can all do for our health, per every single specialist I saw at Mayo. That is amazing to me-- accessible to all of us, free of charge. Diaphragmatic breathing for 30 minutes/day is vital in helping the nervous system calm and reset, basic as that sounds. After going through 8 hours of training about this syndrome, I have a vastly increased understanding about how my body has tried to adapt to various things in my life and much respect for its efforts to stay whole. I feel so excited to reclaim even more functioning, all levels…
“To New Growth and Healing”
After being home one week, now, I have had a few minutes to ponder some of the valuable lessons I learned that were of an emotional nature. Using my voice to repeatedly speak up directly to the doctors for what I needed and to have it received with respect and compassion back towards me was HUGE— one of the most empowering experiences in my life, actually. How amazing it would be if we could all be seen and heard in the medical system, especially for symptoms that are not easy to diagnose, whether it be by a doctor, nurse, or technician… Having this positive experience after years of often quite the opposite response was so validating and relieving. Trusting that staff really did want to help as they worked me over helped me relax enough to get through the invasive/painful parts, especially when holding onto the power of being loved by those in my life (instant awesome balm for my mind and body!). Trusting in myself that I could get through the discomfort and the fear of the unknown was deeper, still. I drew strength from the courage of all that shared time waiting and having their bodies deeply peered into, knowing it was a privilege to be evaluated there. These lessons blended into the ongoing practice of receiving (not my strongest suit!) during this intensive time.
I was gifted by my brother-in-law's generous support in accompanying me to Mayo so that my dear spouse could stay home and keep our kiddos (and animals) as grounded and supported as possible while I was away for 2 weeks. Bart’s help in navigating the underground pedestrian tunnels and myriad of changing appointments, plus emotional support and laughter at a wide variety of unusual circumstances, was invaluable. We were incredibly happy to take a break from the first week of testing to head north to Minneapolis for some wonderfully replenishing time spent with my niece and nephew. We rejoined normal life for a while and took in many nurturing experiences (I about melted on the floor of the Conservatory, having been away from nature for 10 days, already— such instant bliss to breathe in that lush air and let my eyes take in the organic shapes, colors, and patterns, lining my noggin and lens with years’ worth of encaustic inspiration). This couple of days away made such a difference in returning for week two!
I felt incredibly fortunate to carry the love and positive intentions and prayers from my family and friends, near and far, that were holding space for me in deeply appreciated ways (was pretty quiet about going, as it was not so comfortable to put it all out there!). We saw many that were alone in those waiting rooms and were often buoyed by the connections and positive energies that were exchanged, reminders that no matter what was going on, we had things to offer each other just by the mere act of acknowledging each other’s presence, even for moments... I reflected daily on the amount of suffering that was present in those packed hallways and waiting rooms and the amazing tenacity of each and every person there, struggling with some aspect of the human body/mind/spirit. and hoping to find answers and a way through. Plenty of perspective to be had that I will continue to carry within me!
“I’m Going Home to Reclaim My Life”
I could not be more grateful to go into the year and decade that lies ahead, feeling expectantly hopeful for the ongoing lessons and growth in my life. I am anxious to weave in what I have learned and know there will be challenges, just as we all have when implementing change and new information. I know that art will continue to offer healing on levels barely begun to be understood by science (one of the docs asked me what I was doing to treat” x” diagnosis, and I said, “Oh, I make a lot of art”— he paused for a moment and I could see the starts of a smile on his face before he said, “Yes, that is good, but what are you doing to treat “x” diagnosis”, lol… little did he know that art is one of the things that brings the most profound healing to my system, and not just emotinoally— I am quite sure that continuing to work my hands/mind/body helps heal the impaired functioning that has come and know that continuing to do so will only bring more rewiring of those neurons. Hooray for healing by what brings joy through engaging and challenging work! ).
I feel tremendous privilege in having been able to seek help at Mayo and to get the correct bundle of diagnosis in order to move on with proper treatment. Thank you for following along on this long post. It is hard to capture the profound experience in a matter of paragraphs, while trying to keep some semblance of privacy :). If anyone would like to message me for more direct information about my experience at Mayo, I would be happy to pass that along, as a friend so kindly did for me before I came— hugely beneficial and reassuring. I realized during my time there that Mayo offers help for such a wide variety of conditions and that this team framework is likely underutilized, as many do not realize what a holistic assessment can be found there, much more efficiently and effectively for me than the years’ worth of resources, time, and stress spent from seeking out specialists back home. In closing, I wish much love and light and health to each of you, on whatever level you seek it…
The hills and sky greeted me with such blue behind the clouds… a welcome return to space and possibility!
Here are a few links that might be helpful for you or someone you know…
“Tame the Beast” (dealing with chronic pain): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXTg1eVjEp06jyz3mNKRtlA
Central Sensitization Syndrome: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=central+sensitivity+syndrome
POTS, simply explained :):https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=pots+syndrome
Fibromyalgia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5uJcWqWGw8
Deb Dana, LCSW, on Polyvagal Nerve: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnf9eioJuDI&t=1s.
Deb’s book, Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation, on healing the vagal nerve— excellent resource (and a new one of hers on vagal nerve exercises is coming out in April 2020)!: https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/ref=sr_1_2?crid=74KP7GM4FVA7&keywords=deb+dana+the+polyvagal+theory+in+therapy&qid=1580132780&sprefix=deb+dana%2Caps%2C203&sr=8-2
Bessel Van Der Kolk’s profound resource, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=the+body+keeps+the+score&qid=1580132994&sr=8-2
" METAMORPHOSIS" IS RELEASED! /
It gives me great joy to announce that the "Metamorphosis Series” is now LIVE for you lovely supporters— a vibrant collection of 36 encaustic works in a variety of colors, shapes, and displays. Click here to go directly to my website page, where you can click on each sculpture to see multiple perspectives for each piece, as well as purchase directly from that page. They will not be announced on social media for the public until Friday, November 29, so you have the sneak peek!
To express my appreciation for your ongoing enthusiasm, dear encouragement, and buoyant support of my work as it's evolved, I am offering the gift of free shipping in the US (and a discount for any international purchases) for all of you on my email and blog list (and apologies if you get this announcement twice, d/t being on both my email and blog list— usually, there will not be crossover— blogs will remain more process and depth-oriented and email list will be studio updates and announcements— just did not want you to miss out on the early release :)).. The connections made over my work have led to some beautiful conversations and I treasure the connections and relationships made. I will ship within a week of order (as these beauties take great care to package before transport), with a few days’ break to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday...
Each labor-intensive sculpture originated from a macro photograph of a moth or butterfly, was printed onto textile, repeatedly layered with encaustic medium, fused, hand-carved and colored with powdered pigment, and sculpted to shape before being tethered onto found wood and sewn through the wooden circles, or coming to rest in the globes of glass, where the details are further magnified and enjoyed. There is diversity and coherence, both, in these offerings, which will stand alone as contemplative pieces or combine to make lovely groupings.
Please let me know if you have any questions— you can directly reach me through email me at: michellehaydenart@gmail.com or mhbeneaththebark@gmail.com.
I have really enjoyed sharing this process with you and have learned so much in the process, experiencing a metamorphosis, myself, as this new endeavor in sharing (on many levels) took some serious courage :). Thanks so much for coming along with me and having faith in my work!
"If You've Not Yet Heard the Scoop-- Metamorphosis is Coming!" /
“Metamorphosis, Twenty-one”, (8.75 x 8 x 3 in)
Hello, there! It has been a bit since writing here, as I have been completely absorbed in creating a brand-new body of small encaustic sculptures, “Metamorphosis”, to be released next week— yay! I have been posting daily on Instagram and Facebook about this new endeavor, but knowing some of you are not on social media and are the original lovely group to follow my work, I wanted to make sure you are included in the offering. I will be releasing the new collection of 33 pieces via email on Monday, November 25, 2019, to those on my EMAIL LIST— if you are not yet on that list (where all my studio updates and announcements will now be, with process-sharing and reflection remaining the focus of this blog) and you WANT TO BE INCLUDED IN THE EARLY RELEASE, please take quick moment to sign up here (click “here” to go straight to the sign-up form OR you can message me and I will add you). It will not be released to the public via social media until Friday, November 29, so this is a nice window for early preview and opportunity to purchase, if you so desire.
(**** This is an ONLINE SALE, ONLY, providing access to those down the road as easily as those across the globe— the amazing wonder of the world wide web ;)! ****.)
If you do not have accounts on FB or IG and would like to see more detail about what I’ve been up to, you may find me @michellehaydenartist on both Instagram.com and facebook.com (no account, necessary) and will see the chronological flow of this new work, as revealed a bit at a time, over the course of the last few weeks. If you would just like to view a few snippets of what I have been posting, see below :). All pieces stem from my photographs of moth or butterfly wings, and include small table-top sculptural beauties enclosed in glass and wall-hung meditative circles that cradle them in a variety of sizes. Inspired by the process of metamorphosis experienced by these amazing creatures, the Metamorphosis Series celebrates the life force called upon in each of us as we are challenged by change and seek the opportunity to become more fully alive.
“Metamorphosis, Five”, (12 x 13 x 4 in)
Having lived inside the space of circles for 380 days with watercolor pigment, I was happy to revisit the circles with my encaustic sculptures and see how they might fill that space. Unlike the watercolors, whose middles were filled with the lines, shapes, and composites of my daily inner life, these white circles serve as open contemplative space in which to hold tender butterfly and moth embodiments, as the energy of their wings seemed to call for room to breathe. For me, the circle represents cycles of life, wholeness, and safe containment, while having boundaries that can expand on all sides, part of the bigger whole, although there are endless meanings for this primal shape. Having sanded, painted, drilled into, and delicately wired the encaustic-covered wings to a place of stability, it’s no wonder that I am noticing circles, everywhere, as I go about my day…
My fascination with these wondrous wings fill some of my earliest memories, breathlessly following their flight for hours through the fields that lay at the bottom of our hill (delighted when they stopped for a rest and joining them there), mesmerized by their effortless movement and flashing color. My favorite was the small periwinkle, so tiny and pale, plentiful where we lived. I am fortunate now to live out in nature, taking in their beauty as they feast on the butterfly weed and milk weed that grow on our hills, still in quiet awe as they flutter past. But I also find their wings lying on the ground, all that is left of their journey. I feel a sense of reverence at these times, reminded of the many stages in our lives and the inevitable process of change... As I collect their delicate structures in my hand and photograph them, I feel privileged, knowing I have the opportunity to bring a new kind of life to their wings.
When looking closely at the patterns found in such delicate, yet powerful, structures, I am pulled into an abundant range of glorious, striking patterns and soft subtleties of color gradation that lie within each form, tiny particles converging into brilliant displays of beauty and function. Some wings remind me of being inside a cathedral, peering up at glowing panes of luminous glass, separated by strong lead lines holding them in place… others, of floating in a quieter sea of flowing pigment with open sky, above. When I begin to carve through the thickly-layered encaustic medium to unearth what lies below, I am filled with the joy of exploration and discovery, taking much delight in the interpretation and communication of the hopeful energy that calls for release in that small space. That is one of the best parts of creating— the freedom to choose, with no right or wrong interpretation— only that which feels right in the heart and hand. My intention is that this liberation and joy, contemplation or reverie, is transmitted to you as you take in these pieces so that they connect to what you most need to see and experience. Art has such power to bring us to deeper places within ourselves and with each other and to allow us to experience stillness in that space— such gifts of being human…
I have received generous encouragement and engagement about this new series and feel so very grateful for the connections that continue to grow. Thank you for being part of my art community— knowing that my work brings meaning to you provides such empowering energy to continue making and sharing the work. It is very timely, as we celebrate the upcoming season, which I am fortunate to say, is abundantly filled with gratitude. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or inquiries about specific works, above, or the Metamorphosis Series, as a whole. I look forward to sharing the collection in just a matter of days!
“Metamorhposis, Twenty-two”, (4 x 4 x 3 in)
Before Our Very Eyes /
“Before Our Very Eyes” (31 x 18 x 10 in, detail)
Initially, I felt overwhelmed as I questioned as to how to convey the enormity of global warming and its urgency of need for the Encaustic Art Institute’s call for Global Warming is REAL exhibit. Thankfully, by connecting to experience that was close at hand, I was able to begin sinking into that exploration, one small step at a time…
Waxing up macro photos of the monarchs we raised led me into stillness where I could reflect on the complete dependency of these creatures and the ecology in which they live.
Deeper breaths ensued after sculpting them into form, a familiar and reassuring knowing from my hands that did not solve the bigger issue that looms large in my mind, but did bring quiet. Layers of dry pigment brought color back to the vibrancy hidden below many layers of wax… a slow and tedious process of breathing like back in…
Sewing wings together to create a narrative dynamic whole is both exciting and exacting, taking much slowing down and patience.
Working (and reworking) the background to represent the melting of our glaciers was a process of 3 completely different substrates being created, and I was grateful for the completed monarch swarm which motivated me to continue when the backgrounds took total absorption, concentration, and a willingness to start over. At least there was relief at the end with a suitable place to support these beautiful beings (as much as a contrast to their melting and relationship to the entirety of our planet being in dire trouble).
This part of the making saddened me the most, weighing heavily on my mind.
Here is the artist statement for the EAI exhibit that opens at the Encaustic Museum of Art in Santa Fe, NM, which runs from Sept. 21— Oct. 27, 2019:
"Last year our family raised monarchs for the first time, releasing them onto our land when they eclosed. Witnessing the changes day by day put me in touch with the fragility of their beings and their dependence on the many protective and nurturant conditions necessary for survival. Watching them grow through each delicate stage until ready to become hanging “J's”, form chrysali, and begin their process of emergence was breath-taking, flowing beyond words to complete wonderment, as reflected on my son’s face while two crawled across his hand, resting before their first flight into our fields and out into the world. As we sat in silence—eyes wide and hearts open— we experienced the miracle of their wings taking to open air. This experience brought home in a profound way that our choices matter, and empowers us to find ways to continue to act, big and small.
Creating this piece (out of photographs of the very monarchs we held) to depict not just the beauty, but the destruction of nature that is already happening, began as jolting and deeply disturbing. It put me in touch with a wide range of feelings— helplessness, grief, and anger. But as I continued to fully sink into the work, challenged by the materials and enormity of trying to convey such far-reaching implications through one piece of art, these emotions slowly metamorphosed into enlivening energy that grew. As I strove to convey the scope of global warming with a call to be moved into action, I was acutely aware that this is for not just our children and all generations to come, but for all living beings who are silently dependent on us for the very survival of their environment. May we be moved deeply to heal and protect the gifts of this precious world.”
Wonder Round Comes Full Circle (February 17-28, 2018) /
(I got interrupted by life for a bit! Please read below for my last post of the circle project :))
Well, the time has finally come to share the wrapping up of this year’s worth of daily sittings, paintbrush to paper in the simple form of a circle. It has been a time which originated out of a desire to be still with my thoughts and feelings as I awakened each day and to provide a daily documentation of that process while working through my discomfort with posting. What evolved has been beyond my expectations in all senses of the word— committing to a daily practice proved to be much more challenging than I could have known and has brought me very much in touch with my own resistance, time and time again. And I realized if I just stayed the course, a stroke at a time, I came out on the other side, whether feeling content with the paintings, or not. Sometimes the best we can do is show up!
“One thing I love about making art is the ability to start with a basic line or shape and pull it out into another, so easily transformed and often with no idea where it is going. There is freedom in that basic experience. It has been surprising to me to to feel the impact on the rest of my life from such a simple practice. Art profoundly heals...”
“This may have been a title I have used before, but if so, it is because there is plenty that dwells beneath our outer that has a life of its own. I have been thinking a lot about how our bodies function in the most complicated interchange of systems, going on without our awareness, until there is change that gets our attention. Sending love, light, and hope for all who are in the process of healing...”
“Another thing I love about watercolor painting, especially, is the ability to remove pigment— either to bring light into a saturated space or to remove unwanted areas (within reason). Some of my favorite is the lifting off and creating pattern where none existed before— it is such simple fun, nerdy as that may sound :). Here’s to hoping we all find ways to lift off what we no longer want in our lives!”
“Waking to heavy downpour on the tin roof, my drafty desk waiting in the dark did not call as comfortingly as the perfectly weighted warm blankets already over me. But as I began to paint the lines, allowing myself a bit of a coloring-book beginning in which all I had to do was fill in the lines, my gratitude for the paint and its lesson began to sink into my mind as surely as the color began sinking into paper, layer after layer. Thankfully, in a daily painting, all I need to do is begin and proceed, a bit at a time, staying the course until I see an ending. In some ways it is no different than other tasks which do not have a known outcome— we just meet them a step at a time, hoping to see through to the other side. “
“Last evening as we were driving on the highway, the clouds were forcefully traveling overhead in swirls of gray and white that were intensifying by the moment. My enthusiasm grew from pointing out their speed and beauty a single time to my oldest son, to marked excitement and an almost nonstop barrage of exclamations and questions as to whether or not he could see what I could from the front window and to inquire (repeatedly) if he was fully attuned to the unfolding beauty and mystery. He laughed and said he could see that look in my eye that meant I wanted to pull over and watch and take pictures. As we created a hill on which the foothills of the Appalachians came into view, so did the bottom layer of the horizon, filled with strips of almost-navy blue clouds, which resulted in me shouting that we must pull over! Sadly, we were running late for an engagement, and I was struck that it was my teen son who was comforting me and telling me reassuringly that we can do it another time, but for now we must venture on, much like I have talked him down many a time for having to leave the woods, a playground, store, etc. It was a sweet moment of connection to express my own pull to this amazing force of nature and to have my son be both amused and supportive, telling me not to worry, that he had snapped some shots of those clouds on his phone for me. I felt loved, indeed, and grateful for eyes that can witness these gifts of nature and of the heart.”
“Yesterday was spent out in the glorious woods with our beloved @redoaks_explorers friends. I started the morning with time alone in the quiet of the woods, studying new life that had cropped up in the past two weeks, but most of the day in the privilege of traipsing alongside a four year old, immersed in the rushing blue-green creek and on their banks, scouring for rocks and fossils washed up from the recent deluge of rain while his mama taught older children. It was a delight to be brought along on his adventures as we wove in and out of various bunches of children learning and playing all over the land, seeing life through his imaginative and open eyes while listening to his ongoing commentary as we discovered frog and salamander eggs, shuttled the webcam to each of 4 groups, and took a strongly suggested rest on the rocks to lie down and look up at the clouds that were changing formation so quickly in the vivid blue sky. I love this part of home educating— getting to spend time together with a mix of so many ages in what feels nothing other than natural. It is a wonderful feeling to know we can trust each other with our children, and that I could sink into this experience because I knew the other mamas were watching my own. I always come out of it deeper and richer, full of gratitude for this time in my life with my children and the children (and grown-children!) I have come to love.”
“Late yesterday afternoon, hands covered in pigment, hair crazily sticking out of my headband in all directions and a moth-riddled scarf wrapped around my neck, I went to the door after my son called me to greet a young man standing there covered in black mud up to his wrists. He and his friend had been looking to meet their realtor and had gotten stuck on the gravel road which begins past our driveway and goes down the hollow and back up to the other side by way of a now-rushing creek. This arrival at our door is not an uncommon occurrence (thanks to GPS, which sends people through a road not meant for cars) but what followed, was. We invited him in to wash up, offered water and food, which he politely declined, and he left, stating they had called someone to help. Moments later knocked his friend, also covered in mud.
After she washed up and made calls to get a tow truck (the company is quite familiar with the spot) they finally accepted some warm tea and we began powerful conversation that lasted for over 2 hours. We learned about their lives and the many challenges that brought them here. They enthusiastically engaged with my son about his life and interests and inquired about my art (which was in a big state of active mess nearby), and then shared bits about their life goals and plans for the future. It was wonderful to see worry and anxiety dissolve into laughter and shared connection. As it became dinner time, they joined us to replenish their hungry, tired, cold, shaken selves. When their car was retrieved successfully, we exchanged how much we had all enjoyed their unexpected presence in our evening over heartfelt hugs and requests to come visit if they find a house in the area. I could not have planned a more meaningful evening, a reminder to be open to how even a chance meeting with others can change our lives...”
“Some days it only takes the tiniest drops of light to make a difference... today I am grateful to awaken in my own home after a busy week in which I was away, hearing the wind billowing over the hills and watching the dappled light of sunrise bring to light the colors beyond my panes of glass. The quiet of the early morning is sacred time, indeed— wishing you all marvelous moments this Sunday morning...”
“Rudimentary gestures of a tree first lived in this circle, upside down from this orientation. Upon completion and rotation, paths appeared. As I sat gazing into it, I could not decide if the colors reflected more sunrise or sunset, and realized it did not matter, as each day is filled with both... this is a recognition more poignant as I begin this last (partial) week of my year’s commitment to painting and writing every morning. As I move into a more organic approach that allows necessary breathing room in my life, it will be interesting to see how the push and pull of expression appears each day. I am grateful that there will continue to be space to rotate, find new perspective, and remain connected to the essence of what has evolved over these twelve months, both within myself and through connection with you who have joined me here... more to come!”
“I do not have many words for today... just watching the paint bring the inner, outer... a source of healing. I reflect on the power of art to communicate and wish for us all to find cracks for release.”
“When those we love are hurting and we are not able to be there in person, may we muster up all the light, compassion, courage and healing that we have inside ourselves and in the universe and send it to them, tenfold. Wishing as much comfort, support, help, and ease to those in pain and in waiting, hoping the glow of those who love you surrounds you in warmth and hope….”
“It is with mixed emotions that I post today’s circle, completing the 380th painting (did 15 sporadically before committing to the daily) in a bit over a year. When I see that number, it is hard to believe that the goal has been met. What started as a morning ritual to explore watercolor within the circle and writing words alongside to deepen and practice sharing, has evolved into an experience much more profound than I can write in this paragraph (long as they can be, at times, haha). I am deeply grateful for what was grown far beyond my expectations, bringing me connection, deep inner work, healing, courage, and joy in the privilege of shared humanity. I will share more depth soon, but offer my sincere thanks to each of you for following along and sharing in the journey with me, whether in word, witness, or spirit— I am very aware that it would not have been the same without you! It seems fitting that this circle which closes the daily loop, at least, is filled with a bit of spunk and oddity, reflecting the practice of balancing past, present, and future, as well as the light and dark, so that we can all keep going... much love to you all!”
The leap of faith harnessed every morning (as there was rarely a clear plan of what would fill the circle) was good for me on all levels. Beginning in a place of emptiness each day allowed me to sink in to what was just below the surface, delving into spaces that sometimes needed release and sometimes just needed to play and create without expectation. Basically, it taught me to get out of my own way :). What was so surprising is that something always came out if I just picked a color, loaded up my brush and let my hand move across the paper. My body took over where my mind was stuck. Some days that shocked me, as I felt like I could sit on that stool for hours, waiting for an idea or plan to come to mind. Trusting that a creative well of energy has an abundant presence within me is a gem that I carry forward and which expands to all areas of my life, although with a bit more effort!
The other gift is much more profound— that of connecting with all of you through this daily practice. Little did I know when I began that posting every day would lead to so many meaningful interchanges and bits of sharing, ranging from the deep and raw to the playful and humorous— such a wide variety of generous response! Those dialogues between us brought much validation to the energy being put forth in keeping it up for the whole year, fueling me when I really struggled to not bail. The words shared back reflected things I had often not seen, myself, and became a two-way portal which I really valued. I was incredibly touched by the love and support that flowed to me as each circle went out onto the screen, grateful for the experience of coming together from places near and far. That gratitude is difficult to put into words, but will always remain one of the most powerful parts of this year-long experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for following along and sharing yourselves back with me. I look forward to continuing sharing parts of the journey with one another and am enriched by these vital connections.
Wonder Round (February 10-- 16, 2019) /
As I have wrapped up my exhibit and am now in prep mode for KY Crafted: The Market, I am realizing how much I need bits of space that are not inhabited by a to-do list. It was wonderful to take just a couple of hours to meander over our land and see what tiny signs of spring are erupting. These small fungi are less than a quarter inch in size, yet leapt off the branch to my eyes. It is amazing how much color pops when we have been in a period of muted and diminished tones. Wishing you all moments of inspiration and hope for upcoming change…
“What was intended as a quick and simple circle ended up being one which became more layered by the minutes that began to pile past the hour. As I continued to see (somewhat agitatingly) the sky lighten, my mind became more and more distracted by the remembrance of the pan of brownies laying on the counter in the kitchen, leftover from the dear visit from my sister and her spouse yesterday. It started to feel comical that my focus turned to what lay ahead rather than what was in front of me, yet neither would go away, haha. Thankfully, my brush water became so dark that it had to be dumped and renewed, and the sink just happened to be near the pan of brownies, and I may have just taken a bite or two, which enabled the completion of the circle when I returned. Such simple plans made more enjoyable by simple pleasures...”
“As the warm air from the heat vent is released above my head and more cold rain hits the window panes, I realize how much I miss the breeze that comes in through open windows, bringing fresh air filled with scents of petals and green that grow on the hills while filling my ears with the songs of peeper frogs. I love that the mere recalling of details of that air on my skin and breathed in by lungs and ears brings it alive. How amazing our brains and bodies are, able to connect us vividly to the past while functioning perfectly in he present...”
“Sometimes it is the night dreams from which we awaken and sometimes it is the days to which we rise that are topsy-turvy... hoping always, light remains within sight to ground and offer us hope. “
“As the lines glided across the circle and the darks once again lightened outside my window, I reflected on how outside of this circle, the sun sits at many points in the sky. I love that we are all connected by not only this privilege of incomprehensible technology, but by being part of the bigger whole as we make our lives in this universe. I am so grateful for the many ways we lighten each other’s way. Just last night I was talking to a friend and we were discussing the importance of sharing how others positively affect our lives in ways they may not even know, perhaps stemming from experience we had at a much different time in our lives, yet remaining a powerful presence. It is worth the effort to reach out while we are still alive, both to tell and to hear, each opening from the vulnerability of the exchange.”
“It is not every day that I fill my page with literal hearts, although I did so quite easily as a child and can remember practicing making them until there was little space left on the page. Their simple shape cannot begin to contain their power to connect, heal, inspire, enliven, grow, and experience joy so great, that it is beyond words. Wishing you all expansive love today, all directions and even off the page...”
“Bright colors once again adhered to the brushes this morning... I am drawn to their vibrancy and the potential energy that awaits the smallest addition of water to bring dry pigment to life. Surely, there is metaphor in there, as we too, are brought to life by the literal gift of water as well as that which feeds our souls. What elicits your most vivid self?”
“Except to paint with minimal line and shading, these forms landed on precarious parts of the page without expectation. Suspended in mid-air, they appear to be on a journey. Not sure where we are going at times, we hang on tight, trusting the process as it unfolds... (although looking at the painting again, they actually look quite relaxed and gently held as they are carried forward— points to ponder!). “
Wonder Round (Feb 3-- 9, 2019) /
The pine needles that collected in the crevice of this log emitted the most wonderful scent in the drizzling rain last week. I was rejuvenated by just one short day in the coming-back-alive woods, happy to have time both alone and alongside dear friends in the sacred space of nature. I am carrying this energy forward into this week that is full, reminded that it does not take long to replenish our stores… Wishing you all quiet and stillness in nature or places that bring you comfort and energy.
“As the circle grew into an all-seeing eye, it seemed to be gazing into the horizon. When I was little, I would mull over who and what lived beyond where my eyes could see, wondering if I focused hard enough, if the answer might come into view. As I have aged, I still wonder about the lives that are past my own and those I love, all across the world. It has always made me aware of the privilvlege of living where I do. As I added in the yellow lines at the end, I realized I returned to the same quiet wish that has remained— for hope to exist for all beings. “
“I do not mind running late for my day when I am happily engrossed in a painting, but this morning is not so much one of those days. And that is ok. Onward with the day, letting this circle just be as I remember that the intent from 11 months ago was to come sit at my desk and paint whatever comes to mind... at least it reminded to be gentle when what is most needed is to let go and get on with the day. Happy Monday to you all!”
“The small seedlings that burst forth inside the circle this morning made me smile, not only because spring is beginning to round the corner here, but because there is joy in the tiniest of details when we take notice. I continue to be amazed at how these minute role models of perseverance, with their determination toward growth and light, continue to bring awe, wonder, and inspiration. May we all find beauty in the itty-bitty today...”
“Enjoying yesterday’s energetic colors, I reached for them again this morning, sitting in contemplation about the gift of life. Not a one of us knows how long we get to be on this earth, a truth that can feel both daunting and motivating as we seek deeper richness, experience, connection, and meaning in the day before us.”
“I have to admit that this morning was another of those days that took effort to paint anything. And that is just how it is, eh? We cannot crank out day after day of any activity without ebb and flow, and must dive in where we can find an opening. Fortunately, we have Red Oaks Forest School waiting and must get out of the house early, buckets of rain, or not. Knowing we have something to look forward to helps make the leap forward when we are tired and in need of some rejuvenation... wishing this for all of you, as well...”
“One thing that makes it both difficult to awaken and to proceed out of bed is the pitch darkness of winter mornings... as the wind came howling in overnight to bring our shocking spring-like temperature of 74 down to 30 degrees and continued to whip against the glass this morning, I lie under heavy quilts feeling the privilege of warmth and safety. Awakening an hour before my already-early alarm was not so much what my body needed in terms of rest, but perhaps what my mind needed— time to luxuriate in space open to thoughts, feelings, and a calm sense of being, without expectation. It made me recall growing up and coming of the age to have overnights with friends and how when the lights were turned off, some of the best conversations transpired, bringing forth a range of vulnerability, pondering, and utter silliness. It is nice to experience that darkness can still bring a softening of the mind.”
“I don’t know exactly why I resist (or think I “should not be”) painting in bright colors some days— I suppose it is partly for good measure to push past what is familiar. Despite always have been enamored with color, I have not always gravitated towards expressing the bright, a process which has evolved over many years of making sure I do nothing to stand out in clothing, paint, voice. I feel immense gratitude to continue traveling this open road, buoyed up and encouraged to go deeper by mere shades and hues which draw me in... Today’s is joy-filled, as my sister and her spouse are coming to visit. I can hardly wait and I happily let the paint exclaim that!”
"Beyond" wraps up this Week! /
This past month has been an eye-opening experience for me as I installed, opened, and am now wrapping up my solo encaustic show, “Beyond”, at the Mill and Max Gallery at the Shambhala Center in Lexington, KY. I have been stretched in my know-how, excited by the anticipation of opening, and quite delighted by the engagement and meaningful interaction with others as they have responded to my work, both in person and online. It feels much longer than a month and I am so grateful for all that has transpired.
Because pictures are worth a thousand words, I am leaving it at this, full of gratitude for my oldest son, Eli, who took all of the photos involving people, allowing me a looking glass into the energy of others as they took in the work and engaged with each other and with me. I am filled with gratitude for friends and family who supported me in the making, installation, attendance, and messages of encouragement and affirmation from near and far! A special thanks to the Shambhala Center for their invitation to show and for their support throughout. I feel incredibly rich and send heartfelt thanks to you all…
(photo credit, Tiffany Combs)
(Photo credit, Karl Lindstrom)
If you would like to watch a video of the show, you can copy and paste the link below to see a tour— enjoy!
https://www.facebook.com/michellehaydenfineart/videos/486141391916202/
If you would like to squeeze in a last-minute visit, you can email Karl Lindstrom (gallery director, at millandmaxgallery@gmail.com) before Feb. 14th, when the show will come down.
THANK YOU ALL!
Wonder Round (Jan. 27-- Feb. 2, 2019) /
The pure blue of the sky peeking through hazy clouds swiftly passing overhead mirrored the vastly swinging weather much of the country has experienced in the past week. I always find it comforting that the blue remains behind the clouds, no matter how dark, and have appreciated that metaphor since I first read it years ago. Now that we are experiencing much warmer temperatures in the last many days, hopes of spring do not seem far… wishing you all bits of hope in the last of winter in the coming weeks.
“As this month is wrapping up, we launch into a spring semester that is chock-full of experiences that are sure to bring us into unimagined growth and challenge, with hopes of discovering new tricks to juggle the ever-slippery element of time. It is both exciting and daunting to push ourselves past where we may have gone before and my intention is to view this as opportunity as often as possible, as this ol’ noggin of mine can easily sink into overwhelm-stress-mode. Here’s to hoping for extra energy for us all as we finish the last days of this long month and head into the new...”
“The colors that merged here came from remnants in my paint pan, swirling together much like pieces of the day and life that end up in my dreams. It is interesting, at times, to interpret and find meaning in dreams, and at other times, to let them be, knowing they are part of us that we do not control. I am grateful for creativity of all kinds that brings us in touch with this loosening of mind.”
“This morning’s organic forms reflect an intention I am working on— reaching out when I need help. It sounds like such a basic task... something we teach our children from a young age. Yet for most, I would dare to say, it is not easy at all. I have asked for more help than usual lately and I must declare, it feels surprisingly good, despite the angst in the asking. And the bonus part is that those asked have shared that it makes them feel good, as well, closing the circle of exchange with positive energy and reinforcing that the sky will not fall, but open...”
“An integral part of yesterday’s intention, this one appeared on the wonky warped watercolor paper— relief at using my voice. As I have written before, this has been decades in the making, and continues to be a work in progress. I intentionally used the word “relief” in the title to remind myself that speaking when I need to speak results in change, at least inside myself, each and every time I can do so. May we all find empowerment use our voices!”
“Having returned from being on the road the last three days, I was especially happy to wake up in my own bed and sit at my desk to paint, a familiar view coming into focus through the window in the early light... This morning’s circle speaks to me of the ongoing challenge of balancing time, aware that our growing children’s moments with us shorten by the day while the dedication needed for my art runs alongside. Both leave me constantly trying to catch up, but fill me with abundant gratitude for the sacred roles they play in my life.”
“As we begin this month of February, I am reaching a landmark month. At its completion, I will have painted a circle for every day of the past year. It has given me much more than I can express here today... and yet as powerful as the experience has been, it has been at least as challenging, and I know that my energy needs to turn to other parts of my life and the growth of my art. I will continue to paint circles and to share, although with the release of parameters for myself on how and when to do so. I very much value the connection and sharing with all of you that has already taken place and look forward to continuing the flow as new paths emerge. Who knows how these circles will expand into open space? I realize as I write those words that it is trusting the process that is most important for me, coming full circle to where I began in this daily meditation.”
“When I painted this circle, it was completely flipped from top to bottom. Only when I rotated it to this orientation did another bird-like creature appear to me, making me laugh, as it seemed to be determinedly going somewhere. It occurred to me that even a small shift in perspective can change not only our days but our lives, surprising us when it comes.”
Wonder Round (Jan. 6- 26, 2019) /
My goodness, how time has flown for the past three weeks as I have been immersed in preparing for, installing, and being present for my show, “Beyond”, which runs until February 14th at the Mill and Max Contemplative Arts Gallery at the Shambhala Center of Lexington. I have reflected many facets of the experience in the circles, below, which was a nice way to document the experience, which has been full and deep for me. Gratitude for all of the learning that has transpired on so many levels is the predominant feeling that stays with me. Thank you all for following along so supportively!
As the due date looms near for hanging my first solo show (vs. “deadline”... an intentional change in chosen word suggested by a wise soul, connecting to positive energy in what is yet to come), I am noticing a shift... Never having set up an exhibit before, let alone of my own work, I have carried a fair bit of anxiety as I wondered what the completed space would be like in the gallery (it is beautiful), which work would make the final cut to be placed into that space, and the details of the many logistics involved in preparing for a show. My mind has not been a quiet place. But slowly, I have been making lists (and checking them twice— or ten times) and crossing things off one at a time. By doing so, while implementing a more active meditation practice, I have noticed that the anxiety is lessening and being replaced by relief and excitement as the date draws near. Pouring over my inventory of encaustic sculpture has had the unexpected benefit of introspection as I recall the meaning of each piece, the circumstances of my life at the time made, and awareness of what has changed since the making. As I gear up for all that must transpire in the next 2 weeks leading up to the opening, I am focusing on gratitude for this process of growth.
As we were gifted by another day of sunshine yesterday, I went on a second walk in the afternoon, soaking up the warmth and soothing of the rays on my skin. It felt energizing, calming, and full of hope, even for the number of minutes I had available to stroll. It is amazing to me— the effect of light in our lives— both natural and that which is shared in exchanges with each other. Sending vibrant healing energy to all of you, no matter the amount in your sky today...
This is all I could muster this morning, as not every day is filled with endless energy. Still, we all get up every day and do the best we can with what we have. Wishing you all the energy to get back up on the horse in whatever ways are needed today, surrounded by the knowledge of being human and the light of being loved.
The unconscious comes in handy sometimes... this one arrived to remind me to break through the surface of what surrounds and come up for air. So simple to do, yet difficult to remember in the midst of intense focus and concentration... more lessons in balance!
As I head into town to begin installation of my art, I am aware of the many working parts that have come together to arrive at this point. I am grateful to my children and spouse for their patience, love, and sacrifice of my presence throughout the prolonged preoccupation involved while creating the work and organizing the details, and to my family and friends who have shown understanding, support, encouragement, and hands-on help. I am thankful for the members of the Shambhala Center in Lexington, who have had faith in the long process of renovation as well as in my art, and have worked tirelessly to enable the installation a week before the opening. Here’s to hoping the day unfolds like clockwork :).
My only painting goal this morning was to complete my circle before the kettle boiled for tea, which made me laugh as I threw caution to the wind and got to work. It was quite freeing to know I would not labor over word or image today, saving energy to return north and continue working. Finding small pickets of release are a great start to any day, hoping we all do this more often!
After thirteen direct hours Thursday and nine more yesterday, all of the artwork is now on the walls or suspended from 14 foot ceilings... level, secure, and happy. Figuring out a wire suspension presentation system with flat artwork is challenge enough, so being able to successfully do so with sculptural work (after countless experiments that left us with a mixture of frustration, laughter, and persistent steam coming out our ears as we tried attempt after attempt to pull the work flush against the wall), was no small thing. And I could not have done it alone. I am indebted to the brain workings and moral support of all who had hands and minds involved in that coming to fruition! “Triumphant” is the word that popped into my head as I climbed into my car late last evening... and not in a grandiose sense, but in the simple sense of sticking with an overwhelming task until completion, aware of the power of group in being able to proclaim it complete. I will use this boost of energy for my tired body as I dig into the tasks of repairing a large sculpture damaged in return shipping and the preparation of words that I decided will accompany my art, after all... Thank you all for following along in this process with me.
Over and over gain, I am struck by the power of connection... how we offer balance, support, and love to one another through all kinds of times in our lives. Sharing my vulnerabilities with others has taken long and careful tending (as it does for us, all) and gifted me back tenfold, the fear involved in the opening. May we all be bolstered by the safe nurturance offered by one another...
One thing that is most always true for me, is that things take way longer than I think they will... after spending the entire weekend repairing the sculpture and writing and printing statements for each of the 33 pieces in the show, I am beginning to see light peeking in after all are placed on the walls today. I decided that the Mill and Max Contemplative Arts Gallery at the Shambhala Center holds a unique opportunity for the holding of words that is not often included an exhibit. It was worth the time to reflect on and refine what I had written about each piece, and my hope is that the words will bring further contemplation, acting as bridge with the viewers who ponder their connection to the artwork.
Feeling gratitude for the sensation of peace this morning, I send it out to all of you before I leave to finish up the last remnants for the exhibition. I am looking forward to taking time after putting up (very) last minute flyers and taking care of some neglected computer work to photograph all of the installed work. It has been an interesting emotional process to go from these pieces living alongside the fullness of life in our home to becoming a collective that rests in spaciousness. I realized that I need alone time to sit quietly and be with my art today, reflections of years’ worth of inner work that are now external. I said to my friend last night that it feels like being inside-out and is a bit startling— but more than that, it gives me perspective and allows objectivity to see the journey of getting to this place in my life. I think if we each had the chance to step back and take in the paths that have led us to where we now stand, that we would connect with more compassion for ourselves and each other...
One thing I have repeatedly been reminded of as of late is the obvious fact that I do not have control over all that happens in a day. As I have aged, some times a peace comes with this truth and a settling in to what evolves... at times, there is even relief and joy at seeing the blooming of what I could not have imagined. Other times, there is hard work to do on acceptance of outcomes I would not wish to choose. It is a balance for us all, as we navigate day by day. This morning, I decided to use only one color and to let the water dictate the flow. It was relaxing to paint this way, with little thought to composition, allowing the paint and water to land and move where they wanted to go, much like the clouds passing overhead in the sky...
What a difference it makes to start the day in silence, soaking up spaciousness and calm and possibility. That is one thing that painting the circles has done for me— grounding me in stillness after getting out of bed, rather than hitting the ground, running. It is gentle for the mind, spirit, and body, and there when called on through breath and intention— a simple gift.
This morning as I lie awakening, I reflected on the hours of my life that have led to the opening of my exhibit today— they are many in number and have transpired over years of work, inner and outer. As the years have unfolded and my marriage grew to bring two children into the world, my hours were infused with the care and raising of our boys. Now that they are old enough, they have nurtured me with their dad by giving of their time and energy to support the intense focus needed to grow my art, as have many friends and family. It is a privilege to have today arrive and I am brimming with excitement that is steeped in gratitude that it has come to fruition. Thank you all for the outpouring of love, encouragement, and enthusiasm that you have so generously shared with me!
What a joy to share that the opening last evening was a most lovely and successful event! It was so exciting to be greeted by friends, family, and the many new folks whom I met... a sweet balance of lively and relaxed, steeped in engagement. It was an enlivening experience to watch others react to the work (especially the sculptural mobiles that were in gentle motion) and was delightful for me. I deeply appreciated those that could attend and felt the love and support from afar from those that could not. Several pieces will be going home with others, which is wonderful, as well, and hearing the connections behind the chosen pieces was very meaningful. Today, I step into the artist talk as it starts off the afternoon for the grand reopening of the beautiful Shambhala Center that houses the art gallery. As my friends reminded me last night, all I have to do is speak from the heart about what I love to do— I hope I can remember that when the time comes!
How exciting to wake up this morning with no expectation for the day, other than to sink into the feelings of relief and gratitude for all that has transpired in the last few days. I am happy to say that the talk went well, encouraged and supported by the wonderful group of people that came and engaged in thoughtful questions as I shared about my life and my work. The afternoon continued to blossom with deep discussions with many individuals, and I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of sharing and growing from one another. Hooray for the arts for connecting us in this path of life! I could not be happier today to have some time to ponder what I have learned from this whole experience and to allow myself to relax into space without a list, tea in hand and a fire soon to be in the wood stove. First, though, an exhilarating walk into freshly fallen snow!
It is funny how our bodies and minds can rebel against the inevitable task of getting out of bed, knowing much awaits at the beginning of any week. This morning I watched the moon set outside one window and the sky lighten in the other, toasty warm and grateful under a heavy stack of blankets. As I shuffled over to the painting desk that looks out on daylight (unusual!), I took comfort in the ease of the “doodle”, reminding myself that like the days and weeks that need attention, one mark after another will get us to where we need to be. Wishing you all an easing into your days...
As I passed the woodpile en route to the hills with doggie in tow this morning, my eyes were drawn to the strong pattern of rings that were illuminated by the morning light. As I meandered along in the loud crunch of boots on frozen snow, I contemplated how each ring radiates out from its core, growing wider and stronger as the core gets farther and farther removed from the edge, yet there all along. How much like trees we are, our layers built up over time through all sorts of experiences... and how easy it is to forget we are pure and strong at our core. I believe it is always there, continuing to help us grow outward from the basic goodness that has been present from the beginning, if we can just see it. Wishing connection to this foundation within all...
Last evening we gathered around a rickety card table and played Tenzi, a speed game of rolling dice, ten each for a total of forty... the noise against the plastic of the table was near deafening. After “losing” round after round and blaming it on not being able to concentrate, lol, I placed a very old wooden card table top on top of it, and it was like magic (although I did not proceed to repeatedly win). It was interesting to see how we were able to not only focus and relax, but to free up energy to laugh and enable ease to emerge, which was highly contagious, of course. It made me think of how we are influenced by our surroundings every day, and how challenges both in the environment and in our own minds can affect us in ways much more serious than a dice game. I wish there were a way to quiet the noise that interferes with basic life for so many...
When I walk the land before the sun has illuminated the sky, I am often quite startled by the sound of wings, quickly making an escape out of the tall grasses that lay feet away from my own. I do not know the name of the bird that flies, having no light to see anything but the blur of wings, and I suppose the name is not important. I always feel sorry for having disturbed it’s place of nightly rest and refuge, and wonder how that must feel to be only surrounded by small blades of scrubby ground cover. Perhaps it is being close to the ground after depending on wings all day that matters the most...
Another critter appeared today, mirroring the vibrant sunshine that woke me, long past my usual waking hour. What a gift, this light... a reminder to soak up its essence and to pass it on to those we meet in our days.
On this Saturday morning, these simple forms came to be, eeking out permission to dwell in the uncomplicated. It is good to let our minds rest as much as our bodies. Happy Weekend to you all!
Wonder Round (Dec. 23, 2018-- Jan. 5, 2019) /
This glorious dramatic sky changed before my very eyes moment by moment as I made my morning rounds. It was fitting that it reflects the pace of life that seems to be in full swing these days, full of moments of beauty, stillness, and deep gratitude when I slow down to see and feel them. I wish you all release from that which beckons to be left behind from the last year, and an abundance of goodness, growth, and health as you enter the new year. And as always, I am grateful to grow my art and life alongside you who join me here… thank you!
“Painting from the leftover edges of the mixing tray brings softness that I am less likely to create directly out of the fresh pigment, and it wasn’t until rotating the completed circle that I saw the path. It is interesting to think of all the things we bring together to move our lives forward every day— a blend of past experience, energy to dive into the day at hand, and hope for future days to follow. Wishing you all softness, yet again, to enter into the days ahead...”
“As many of us are in the midst of last-minute holiday preparation and mid-swing celebration, may we find moments to be still and quiet, connecting to that which holds deepest meaning, while also holding space for those whose hearts are heavy...”
“Unlike yesterday’s circle, filled with space, this one is space, filled! It did not begin that way... rather, I started with a few abstract holly leaves, remembering how much I loved drawing them as a child, their curves springing to life over the page... which led me down the path of many Christmas memories, made so special with the intention and hard work by my mama. Color filled my mind with images of the bright chunky lights my step-father faithfully hung on the roof’s edge (while we all anxiously watched from the ground), down to the tiny colored lights on our tree filled with many beloved hand-made ornaments and the even-tinier speckles of colored sugar and red hots that paintstakingly (or not!) decorated our sugar cookies. It is no wonder that the holly leaves got lost in the thick color that took over the page, and like the stillness of yesterday’s circle, gave way to the raucous excitement of my seven siblings and me on Christmas morning. As we celebrate with our own children now, I remain more thankful than ever for the love shown in the details and the colors left in my mind. Wishing you all peace and joy and much love in all ways you are celebrating!”
“There is always a feeling of transition after days of intensity, and today I am grateful to awaken feeling filled with gratitude for family and friends, a new stretch before me... I painted since 5a this morning, in preparation for a chunk of days ahead in which I will sink into a flow of necessary focused work, followed by play, connection, and rest. Wishing you all rejuvenating breaths today and in the days that will bring 2018 to a close...”
“On Christmas Day, I was walking alongside my spouse and oldest son (who was effortly doing rotations and hops on his old scooter, towering above it’s tiny frame with his now, large agile one), taking in the gift of sunshine and blue skies in my mother-in-law’s retirement community. We came upon a nature trail— although short in length, a dip off the beaten path... passing by a tiny stream and trees, made smooth so that all can have access. As we meandered down the winding way, my eyes kept being drawn to matted-down filaments and delicate translucent petals, detached from their original source of life and saturated by the rain... reflecting various stages of change as they made their return to the earth. How much like these remnants we are as we navigate the different stages of our lives, filled with intrigue and beauty, still... may we all see our value, inside and out, and our place in the web of life.”
“Hooray for today! We are heading out with our two sons to have a bit of a family excursion before we join the larger fray of my family, and I’m so excited to have this sacred and joyful time with them. We will visit a small town in Ohio and walk the same trails in the nearby gorge that we paced right before going into labor with our first, almost 15 years ago, and eat at our favorite pizza haunt (who wouldn’t love a pizza place named, the “Ha-Ha Pizza?”). How special it is to revisit still-cherished spots, having the privilege to share the love and meaning of place with one’s children, especially as they grow and more fully appreciate the inevitable stories and laughter that revisiting will bring...”
“No matter how many years pass and how we may all change, we are forever interwoven with our families, whether we are in contact, or not... As all of my siblings come together today, bringing their growing and already-grown children with them, I feel grateful for the connections that are there and will always remain, aware of the ways we influence one another over the course of our lives. Sending love to all families, everywhere, in any sense of the word, “family” that may be held dear. Let us nurture one another and honor those that are still with us in spirit as we gather.”
“This phrase popped into my head as I finished this circle, and I am relieved to hear it, as it is always life-giving to feel choice lies ahead rather than mere obligation to what has already been laid down. Watching our sons see the doors multiply before them reminds me to connect to the joy and excitement that can come with possibility, rather than the all-too-familiar default of anxiety in approaching the unknown. Children remain some of my strongest teachers...”
“When I realize I have lived another 365 days, I am aware of the immense privilege of stating that collective truth— and that each experience has brought some degree of love, joy, loss, grief, anger, fear, hope, or questioning. It is a natural time to reflect on that which I choose to bring with me into the next year, while holding out strength for those things which carry no choice. Each and every day is a gift and I am filled with gratitude for all that have had been part of my life and growth this round, no matter how near or far. As we leave 2018, may we all find renewed meaning, courage, and loving in the days to come...“
“Awakening in the wee hours of the new year is such a unique feeling... I love the chance to reflect about the past year, but even more so, to envision the year ahead. May we all find energy to create what we most want and need in our lives, and help each other along the way to be our best selves...”
“Needing to paint with different colors this morning, this composition appeared, reminding me of an ongoing search for equilibrium, all levels. It is a good time of year to take stock of dynamics which need careful tending, which feels much more doable than total change. Let us be gentle, once again, as we highlight areas that seek our attention in the coming year, careful not to use goals as another way to feel that we were “less than” to begin with...”
“Last evening as my spouse sat down to play the organ, I sat down at my desk to paint. I felt enlivened to sit in the room filled with amazing depth of sound as Bach’s “Sinfonia” transported me into another dimension. I am grateful to have grown a deep appreciation for the pipe organ, an instrument which had no meaningful connection prior to meeting my husband 22 years ago... I was thinking about all the various ways we influence one another in our lives, separate instruments joining together to play such intricate and diverse harmonies. How profound it is that our ears can conjure up a whole slew of memories and feelings when we pause to listen, and tether us to the generations before that heard the very same notes.”
“Part of what intrigues me about painting into the shape of a circle is that it feels as if there is endless edge to explore... I appreciate the ability to push the pigment all the way to the outer periphery, often times stopping short there, glad for the containment. Other times, I paint as if there is a whole universe that exists beyond the edge that I can not see. Both offer freedom and a chance for introspection, reminding me to continue searching the edges both inside myself and in others, and to celebrate what might be discovered there...”
“Today’s circle has more energy than words for me, and the single-word title popped into my head and stayed in the silence that followed. I think I will let it rest today and allow the space around it to remain... (although I am always curious and open to what it may evoke in others).”
Wonder Round (Dec. 9-22, 2018) /
With the last two weeks passing by (filled-to-the-brim with activities), I am happy to be sitting still in a rare lull on the afternoon of a full and lovely Christmas day, revisiting the musings of experience that have come my way. I hope you all have found moments of quiet, connection, and joy, especially today. Sending love and gratitude for each of you, gifts in my life…
“As my feet stumble on chunks of frozen ground, I am brought into direct contact with the earth, whose rigid surface remains immobilized on these cold days. Yet I know that not far beneath this unforgiving exterior, lie many beings working to prepare for new life above the surface where they now rest, gathering energy for their becoming. Connecting to this awareness brings an easing into what is uncomfortable in the moment, as the wind bites my face and my feet now walk more mindfully.”
“Barely stirring after my first alarm, I began listening to a meditation I had preset before going to sleep. I have never been able to be consistent with meditating formally, and mostly do so when making art, my mind often emptying as I relax into a deeper state of being and awareness that comes naturally with creating. However, I have noticed as I have gotten more and more busy, adding activities of my kids and family as we age and evolve into different times in our lives, that my mind has gotten a bit chaotic. Often these early morning awakenings, despite the best of intentions, can morph into worry sessions about the day/week/month, year... the mind is amazing that way— how it can start small and explode within moments, in both the most positive and negative of ways... hence, my decision to use guided meditation. It was interesting to envision light coming into my being and becoming more expansive, rather than restricted and tight before even sitting up to get out of bed. As I started to paint (not even thinking that I had just painted spiral forms yesterday), I was happy to sit with the awareness tha all we can really do is start with where we are, and move out from there. That is a sense of accomplishment for any of us, and can bring gentleness to whatever is on our plates...”
“Continuing the ponderings of yesterday, I think of the small and quiet voices in our minds that tell us of the things that seek our attention. It takes awareness to notice and listen, and space to allow the discernment of whether to fuel those fires or let them go when they are messages that do not serve to help us grow or heal. I remember being struck by the simple statement in social work school many years ago, “awareness is the first step to change”. It is interesting that this still comes to me decades later, offering the valuable lesson that remains relevant and vibrant.”
“Being an introvert, I do not mind space to be alone— in fact, I need a healthy dose of it as much as I need other elements that enable me to keep my flow going. This circle within the circle appeared all of a sudden, making its presence known smack dab in the middle of the painting. I was not reflecting on anything, at all, until it appeared and demanded attention. I noticed my tendency to want to connect it to something else in the painting, fill in with some color representing warmth or light, and decided to let it rest, as it seemed to need to do. I know that being alone allows for space to be... in charge of our own time, thoughts, feelings. It can be easy to neglect that need, filling in what needs to be done for other obligations, others we love, other “shoulds”... May we all find ways to see clearly what it is we most need, and respond with generosity for ourselves.”
“Happy today to be less on the go, I look forward to exploring the direction for the day that lies ahead. I am always amazed how it can lift my spirits to have even a small break from intensity in schedule and wish you all the same!”
“As much as I am working to be mindful of planting my feet on the ground and being centered in what is, I find my mind wanting to gaze upward and outward beyond my immediate experience, opening to possibility and space free from expectation. The convergence of these two brings balance and allows more peace to radiate within myself and towards those I love.”
“When I was clearing my bogged-down mind to fall asleep last night, this simple image came to me, the lines of water moving gently and rhythmically over these small stones. I was relieved for the quieting it brought and the power to wash away the day so that restful sleep could follow. Our minds really are amazing in their ability to transport us to other places or to a deeper place of calm inside ourselves. I will tuck this away and remember to pause to create space for more during this weekend time, which can be all too easy to fill with things that need to get done. I wish you the same...”
“When I was young I never could quite remember which to shade darker— the trees closest to me, or those farther away... I honestly still have to think really hard about that (often having to gaze out into landscape to try and figure it out), and it makes me chuckle to realize the parallel that exists between my focus on what is before me in the moment and what lies in the future. It occurs to me that this may be one of those things tied in to trust, and that perhaps by letting those things beyond my nearest gaze recede and blur a bit, there will be more energy to absorb what is right before my eyes.”
“As I finished up painting the orange in the center (the last color to be laid down), I stopped myself, realizing there was more energy available when I allowed space around the orange to breathe— once again, a simple painting reflected an issue close at hand for me. The power of creativity, in all forms, is immense... a gift we can give ourselves in one way or another, every single day.”
“With hues that do not often show up in this space, I enjoyed just playing this morning, the only expectation but to explore... there is satisfaction found in such simple permission!”
“After luxuriously sleeping in two hours later than normal, I walked the dog in the light. Every single inch was bathed in a warm glow that brought life to the millions of tiny ice crystals that covered the earth. Only pale shades of color shone, but they were beautiful in their slight variations. I love that part of winter— that it makes me notice details and subtleties that are often lost in the bold splashes of color that spoil us in spring.”
“I have been thinking a lot about my mother and father’s lives, their parents, and the generation after generation that led to me being here, all still alive in my DNA and some, in my memory. It is much to ponder, wondering about the many lives that were lived in various degrees of fullness, with similar challenges and many that surely were quite different. There is so much history lost. It reminds me to share with my children what I know of those that have gone before us, and to deepen this knowledge as I continue to move along in my stage of life. We are all richly made...”
“As we in the Northern Hemisphere come to this day holding the least amount of light, I enter it quietly, with a sense of sacredness, reflective on what I want to release as well as bring forward in my life. I am heartened that light will return with each day that arrives... What are some ways that you celebrate the Winter Solstice?”
“Last summer, my friend shared a video of her dear son dancing and doing calisthenics, all the while keeping one hand on the lawn-mower, pushing ahead full-speed in a rectangular pattern, unconcerned that anyone might see him. I don’t think I ever had that level of confidence, lol, but was quite inspired by his wild sense of abandon. I am not sure when we lose touch with that freedom to play along the way (and sadly, some never experienced it), but want express that silliness and light-heartedness as life keeps rolling on, as it is never too late to connect to this inner spirit that waits to be let out. I am so grateful for the children in my life that proclaim this so naturally and bring so much joy by just being themselves. I wish you all bits of play in your days, wherever you can make it...”
Save The Date! /
It’s time to share a long-awaited announcement— my first solo show, "Beyond", is set to open on January 18, 2019, from 5-9 pm, at Mill and Max Contemplative Arts at the Lexington Shambhala Center, Lexington, KY. I will be exhibiting my encaustic sculpture, mobiles, and two dimensional work in this lovely space…
“Rebirth”, (5.5 xx 7.5 x 7.5 in.)
An artist talk will be shared by me the following afternoon (the 19th of January) and I will update with details as the time gets closer. I am thrilled to be able to have my exhibit included in Shambhala Center’s grand reopening, following a year’s worth of beautiful renovations of this sacred space. As reflected in their mission for the contemplative arts’ aspect of their center, art is viewed as sacred path, which mirrors a deeply-held belief for me, channeled through my hands and heart as my work is created and shared.
“Outgrowth”, (27 x 39 x 15 in.)
I look forward to meeting any of you who are able to come join me in this celebration, happy to kick off the new year with such positive energy with such a lovely group of people!
Mill and Max Contemplative Arts at the Shambhala Center